My Stalker is Back

Let’s have a brief recap shall we. September 2011 my ex Derek Peter who I left in July of 2011 decides to start harassing, stalking and threatening to kill me and my family. He sent emails, text messages, left voice mails, slashed my tires, drained all of the oil out of my truck, tried to run me off the freeway, verbally and emotionally abused me. I filed a restraining order, had him served and he didn’t show up for court so I was granted a permanent restraining order good for the next 5 years. I have had way to many sleepless nights over the last year to count. Derek has been in and out of jail over the last year. Some of it was for violating the restraining order the rest was his own drug issues. He is Bi-polar and not on his meds. He is addicted to anything he can snort or smoke. He was medicated, had a job, car, place to live etc. Seemed normal then one day he flipped out and I left the next day. My life was in danger and I knew it. I was backed into the kitchen counter with a butcher block full of knives. Due to the fact that he is 6’6” he could have easily reached for a knife and stabbed me before I knew it happened. In one of his many hate filled voice mails he said and I quote “I am going to gut you like a fish.” He loves to fish and had a knife collection. The system failed me in every way. He served hardly any time for all of the torture he put me through and all of the criminal threats. If Derek was a black man he would have received the seven to ten year sentence that a criminal threats case carried. Instead he was sentenced to ninety days with three years probation. His criminal past is public record on the Superior Court site.

Tuesday December 18, 2012 at 11:15am my alarm goes off. Time to get up and get ready to head out. The house phone rings around 11:30am. My Mom answers the phone and a man asked if my Dad was home. She asked who was calling and he told said an old Army buddy. My Dad takes the call because he helps out Veterans all of the time. The man asked if I still lived here, if I moved out, is the address still the same? My Dad can’t get the guy to tell him who he is so he hangs up on him. The caller ID said the Hilton, Costa Mesa. My Mom calls back the hotel and asks for Derek Peter, after a brief hold she was connected to his room. How did he just get out of jail and is now living in the Hilton? Last Friday I got a call from a friend that said they ran into him at the Social Services office. We called the Sheriff right after the second call from the douchebag. He called my Dad over and over for God knows how man hours today. He recorded all of the calls and played it for the Sheriff when they arrived at our home 4 hours after being called. I guess if it was a bloody crime scene they would have been here sooner. Now Derek Peter is stalking my Dad. Stalking a Vietnam Veteran who was blown up in the war, woke up in a body bag because they said he was dead is NOT and I repeat Not a good idea. Did I mention he also has PTSD from the war. Derek is barking up the wrong tree. The Sheriff took the report and now we wait for the bullshit with the Detective the case will be assigned to and the DA from hell out here who doesn’t seem to think domestic violence cases are a priority. They will also pull the county line bullshit. I live in LA County he is in Orange County so who should arrest him is a game the Sheriff and the OCPD like to play.

Derek told my Dad to meet him on our porch at 4pm because there will be blood. My parents are retired and not in the best of health. My mom and I both have Lupus and my Dad suffers from war wounds till this day. I can’t and I wont go through what I lived through since last year. I am stronger than when it started. I know Derek is one mentally deranged and unstable person. The alarm system is set, I live across the street from a Police officer, I asked Santa for a 9mm for Christmas. Both my parents are trained how to shoot their guns. My Mom may be small but her 9mm can speak for her if he broke into our house. I am not going to let the anxiety consume me. I am going to watch my back as I have done everyday since this nightmare began. I will be damned if I let this douchebag hurt me or my family ever again. Fuck you Derek Peter, you aren’t going to mess up my holiday and my new year. I have a zero bullshit policy and it still stands. Why hasn’t Derek had an over dose or been shanked in the shower while in jail? Why do evil people get to be evil and not pay for their crimes? If I was stalking him I bet they would have me in that orange jump suit faster than I can say wait. I am tired but I will never give up, quit or be silent about this. Be on alert ladies he is back in Costa Mesa CA. He likes the pool hall on 19th street, don’t be shocked if she shows up at the Lounge one night soon. Maybe he can get his old job back as security :/

MoMo Out!

 

The Beginning of the End

In November I had my day in court with my former friend. After three hours with the mediator we reached an agreement. I didn’t get everything I asked for but who ever does. Our one armed “former friend” in my case paid the bill for her. After court we went to the bank and he gave me a cashiers check. I mailed it that very same day. I was asked more than once if I wanted the check made payable to me. I went to court to get the money owed to the bank in my name. I am so happy one of the boulders is off of my shoulders. One step left and it is over forever. I always use to say forever is as long as it lasts. We had our forever and it ended with me having a knife in my back. My divorce was much easier than this situation.

I have learned that you never really know anyone. That was proven to me by a person that I thought would be a life long friend. I have learned to never loan my name, credit or money to anyone ever again. I will always remember how easy going it was at first, then it went to hell on a bobsled. The person that use to be my BFF is gone now. I was sitting in a room with someone that felt like a total stranger even though we have known one another for over a decade. I didn’t believe anything she said to me. I didn’t really care to make small talk. I just wanted to get the entire thing over with. I will never forgive her for the things she did to me. I will however as time passes try and forget how my best friend fucked me over on so many levels. Quotes of that day: It’s only money right? I will earn more right? I helped you when we were friends. I gave you anything you wanted. You broke my couch so you should pay for part of it. That was when the mediator said break time and stay focused. I was focused from the moment I walked in the door.

In 2013 this will all be a bad dream. The bad memories will fade away. The new memories with my true friends who had my back during all of this drama will make me forget the bad stuff. I am happy that it is at the very end. I am sure they will still stalk my pages and my Blog to see what I say next. Just remember freedom of speech is my constitutional right. I lived this hell on earth for a very long time. I am thankful that I am at a peaceful place. I am thankful for all that I have been blessed with. Time heals all wounds. Derek Peter is in jail. Maybe this time they will keep him or he will drop the soap in the shower. I truly hope that everyone I know has a wonderful New Year. I am sure it will be a much better year.

MoMo Out!

 

P.S.

Completely random event happened yesterday. A customer comes to our pop up store at the Farmers Market. She starts asking about the clothing. Then asked me if I go to BBW Clubs. I told her I go to Bounce and Curves. Out of the blue she told me that she is a fan of my Blog. I said, ok so you know who I am. She said yes and she said that she had a really bad experience at the Lounge in OC. I started to laugh and so did she. I was told that the promoter was yelling at the photographer to stop taking photos of her, because she was better looking than the said promoter. Her and her friends drove two hours to be treated like shit. Her words not mine. My favorite line of the conversation was and I quote “I think she is just jealous of me because I am better looking than her.” Random person with a not so random experience. People I stand by my Blog. My point has been made now let’s move on.

Support local vendors in the BBW Community: www.biggirlgear.com

 

 

Thanksgiving and being Thankful

Every holiday I spend it with my entire family. My entire life has always been about my family. I am thankful for so many things that I had to share some of them. Last year at this very time I was in the middle of being stalked by my ex. He was arrested the day after Thanksgiving last year. I just found out he is in jail again for 90 days and then is on some sort of 18 month program. He will fail the drug tests and I hope he spends a longer time in jail next year. I am very thankful that the Derek Peter part of my life is almost closed. I am thankful that I sued and was able to reach a settlement with my former BFF. That chapter of my life is now closed. Gone for good and I will never look back. People keep asking if we would ever makeup and be friends again. I have to be honest and say No chance in hell. The trust is gone so the friendship is gone. I was hurting for so long about the loss, but now I have moved on. I am thankful that 2013 is almost here. The last year and a half of my life has been a real nightmare. I am so thankful that I am still alive and I fight everyday through the pain and illness to stay that way.

I am thankful for: my family, friends, food in my fridge, a roof over my head, the end of very painful relationships, love, happiness, what’s left of my health, being able to walk even though most days I can hardly stand up. I always have hope and I will never quit fighting to be here on this earth. I am thankful for the blessings I have received in my life. I love that I have made so much progress on my dreams. I am about to close the book on so many things that were 2011 and 2012 events. My heart is now full of hope & love again. In 2013 I will put myself back on the market and maybe meet someone special. I won’t hold my breath on Mr. Right but maybe Mr. Right now will do till I am truly ready to attempt to trust another man. Team MoMo has been there for me. They believed in me and had my back. Thank you, Kristie, Jessica, Emmy, Tracy, Indigo, Becca and everyone else who has stood by me throughout everything that has happened. Those of you that were forced to choose a side and had the balls to say no I won’t choose, I applauded you for standing up to my former friend. This person will now remain nameless. I will no longer give away any of my energy to this person. I want to put out positive energy in order to get it back. Pay it forward as much as we can is how life should be. It can be something as simple as the man who held the door open for me to exit and I held the door open for an elderly woman with her walker as I was leaving. A nice young man  came along and took over holding the door so I could leave and she could enter at the same time. It was paid forward by all four of us. The little things in life like that count and contribute to the bigger life picture. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Thank you all who keep reading my Blog. Don’t worry about any changes there will always be something going on in my life and the community that I will write about it.

One Love

MoMo Out!

Just a peek at what I make for the holiday. Now I am off to get cooking. Tomorrow is the big Turkey day and my family is always hungry for my cooking. These are a few of last years photos.

Mac & Cheese from scratch.

 

Candied Yams

The Bird all carved up and ready to serve

EL Pato Pork

The Wall of Veterans

My Father served in the United States Army and was in the Vietnam War during the 60ies. Throughout my entire life the war has had some sort of affect on him and our family. It is not just the solider who suffers, but the families of the soldiers suffer right along with them. The war did things to my father that I didn’t know about till I was an adult. My father was in an explosion during the war. They thought he was dead so they body bagged him. I am not sure how long he was in the morgue before he woke up inside of the body bag. My dad doesn’t like to talk about the war. He will share stories about how life was for him while in Vietnam and the other places he had traveled to. He does not talk about the killing, death and the loss of fellow soldiers or the locals killed during the war. He does suffer from PTSD and has received help for it. Once he started those classes his whole life changed and so did ours. Veterans need our love, help, support and anything else we can give to them. My dad declined to go see the Wall with me tonight. He said he wasn’t in the right frame of mind. The memories he has I am sure are very personal. I told my dad I understood and I went with my niece. It was a moving moment to see the Wall, touch it and see all of those names. This was the part of the wall that travels. The rest of it is in Washington DC if anyone ever wants to see it. My father served and fought for our country. Once he got home it took him decades to fight for what he was entitled to from the VA. He is a 100% disabled Veteran and deserves all that goes along with it. He has suffered with his injuries from the war. He has had too many surgeries to count in an attempt to repair the damage done to his body due to the war. I am sure the exposure to Agent Orange he endured during the war has played a roll in how I turned out. It could explain why I was born with a heart murmur and how that turned into so many other medical conditions. I am sure one day that will all come out. It really isn’t about compensation to the Veterans, it is about honor and respect. I thank you Daddy for fighting in a war that should have never of happened. No one wins a war they all suffer from loss in the end. A few months ago a total stranger walked up to my dad, shook his hand and said thank you for your service. He noticed his Vietnam Veteran hat with all of his special pins. It was touching to witness the respect from one solder to another. He was young and about to be deployed onto his second tour to Iraq. The last decade of war has just created another generation that will grow up like I did. Maybe this time the help will be there as soon as they get home. I respect what the men and women in our military do for us. Freedom isn’t free and they pay the highest price so we can sleep at night. Thank you to all of the Veterans out there.
MoMo Out!

		The Wall VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Change: It Happens

In the last year I have experienced many major life changes. I was a victim of domestic violence and people told me not to tell. Don’t ask don’t tell is bullshit. Not telling someone is how you end up dead. I have learned the hard way that the law can’t do much for you even with a restraining order. I filed a police report every time Derek violated the restraining order. I stood in front of a Judge, an open court room full of people and played a voice mail where Derek threatens to kill me. As I left the court room a woman took my hand and told me to stay safe. I was touched by the kindness of a complete stranger. Maybe she was there for the same reason? No matter what it was, it touched me. I knew I was not alone and I had to tell others what happened to me. I still have nightmares about Derek trying to kill me. I wake up in tears sometimes because the dreams feel so real. I truly have lost hope in the justice system. I followed the rules and he got three years probation for torturing me and threatening my family.

The friends in my life now have been here long before Kathleen Divine was around. When my entire world fell apart last year they helped me pick up all of the pieces. As the time passes so does my anger. I am still very hurt and I have no idea how long it will take for those feelings to change. I never want to see Derek Peter again. I stay as far away as I can from Orange County. It is full of bad memories. Yet Derek still finds the time to attempt murder by running me off the road, slash my tires, drain the oil out of my car, threaten and stalk me. The torture in the last year has been unbearable. I even went as far as asking my therapist if it was my fault. I knew it wasn’t, but I needed some sort of verification to help me get past it. One day he loved me. The next day he was cheating on me. The day after that Kathleen Divine handled our breakup by moving Derek into her office across the hall from me. I know right about now if you are new to my Blog you are saying this cant be true. It really is sad that it is all true. I am still sad it all came to this insanity. My life is a Lifetime Movie of the week.

Kathleen Divine asked me to remember the good times we use to have. The betrayal runs so deep I cant remember much before it. Then when Derek turned on Kathleen she ran to me for help. My only suggestions were get a restraining order and an alarm system. Oh and next time don’t live with your best friends ex. The worst part of the last year was the loss of my best friend. Kathleen Divine use to be a part of my family. My mom was her black mama, and I loved her family like they were my own. After all of the years we spent as friends never in a million years did I think our friendship would ever end. I found a card the other day that arrived with flowers from Kathleen two years ago when I was sick. That was my friend who wrote that card and sent those flowers. I miss her at times but then the bad memories take over. I don’t know this evil diva. This has all been like a bad divorce. There was money, bills, property to split which I still don’t have and now the law suit I filed against Kathleen Divine is coming up. I refuse to be mistreated ever again.

If I can help someone with my stories then my life shall not be in vain. I have grown and learned from this experience. I still don’t trust men, but I am not sure if I ever have. I have had the support of my entire family through all of this. My parents have been my rocks. They will forever be solid in my life. I am blessed, thankful, loved and relieved that I am getting closer to closure. I was happy to celebrate my birthday this year. I am another year older and wiser. The next year of my life will be better, because I am making it better. My life, my rules, my stories and you can’t change the facts. I guess if it had gone any other way I might not have rediscovered my love of writing. Maybe one day I will write a book about my crazy life. Thank you all for reading, even the haters.

MoMo out!
  

Sex, Lies & Cheating

How many times do you have to fall in love and have your heart broken before you find “the one” that will cherish and protect your heart? I have no idea, I gave up on that a long time ago. No matter what advice or rule book you have read in the past you never know what peoples intensions are. Their actions must speak louder than any sweet talk he or she might throw your way. It is ok to say no. Never settle for the second best because he or she told you that’s all you can get. People don’t know very much these days about personal interaction. I think that people have become socially retarded due to media and technology. We have become disconnected from one another. People break up via email, text message, Facebook and even Twitter. Why do people think that kind of behavior is ok? Because you put up with it. If you learn to say hell no and stop putting up with crap from not so nice people you could have a chance at happiness with the right person.

How many men and women stay after they find out their partner has cheated on them? From things I have learned in therapy most women stay with a cheating partner. When the woman cheats the men almost always leave. I have been lied to and cheated on more than once. I have never gone back to any of them. I am very serious with my number one rule. You cheat on me it is OVER. No need to explain, no need to bother lying, no need to ever talk again. When it is over for me it is over. I have no need to try and forget he cheated on me. Not only is it a fucked up thing to do but you are also putting your partners life in danger. Something I don’t think people think about in the heat of the affair.

True story,the moment I think I might give a guy a chance he does something like want to sleep with me and ask for my friends number. Then when confronted, he bold face lies about it. I had to think for one second and my gut said he just lied to you. As I process the information that was just given to me, I hung up the phone and was not in shock at all. I have become jaded to the point where I expect a man to do something shady like that. I asked if it was true, he lied, I left. End of that story. I didn’t want to listen to his bullshit anymore. I just tuned him out as he was lying to me. It is so sad when men go to such lengths to try and sleep with you then they try and sleep with your friend. I am really glad it happened with a friend that I can trust and had no doubt that she said hell no.

Kathleen Divine would have fucked him and said “sorry Mo but he was really into me not you”. Kathleen Divine wouldn’t even think twice about it. I can’t tell you how many times I was told that a guy I was talking to was flirting with her just moments before. You have to be so insecure to even feel the need to try that move. We all know from past Blogs I have written that Kathleen Divine is very insecure, narcissistic, condescending and a washed up ageing Diva who now lives in a Senior Mobile Home Park next door to her parents. I guess business isn’t as good as it use to be. If it was still good I am sure Ms. Divine wouldn’t be forced to live in a trailer park.  I bet when you look in the mirror of your new bathroom you wonder WTF happened to my life. I can tell you some of what happened Ms. Divine.

Kathleen Divine became a selfish, self centered, evil bitch. I bet you still wonder how you will find husband number 5 living in a trailer park. I know this because you told me when your parents first suggested the idea a couple of years ago. Instead of saving some of that tax free money you have made over the last decade you decided to wipe your ass with it. That’s how rich you were back in your hay day. Kathleen Divine always say, “I’m not stupid” but in real life you did fuck yourself royally. Now that you are out of the house in Orange what will you do with the $7600.00 deposit that you have on the house? My guess is you will blow it like it is tissue paper. The responsible thing to do is pay me back all that you owe me. But we all know Kathleen Divine does what is best for her and only her. The drama between us now has a court date. I know I will win so I have no worries. Then the Sheriff will come to her lounge and take her money right from the door as she makes it till I am paid back. You all should know by now that nothing is easy when dealing with Kathleen Divine. She has turned this into a Lifetime movie of the week. All I wanted was for her to do the right thing since she use to once be my best friend. I am still trying to remember the good times we had as you asked. It’s hard to do when the bad is still so hurtful and outweighs any good there once was.
MoMo Out!
   

My Fault?

Lately people have been playing the blame game with me. People blame me for trusting Kathleen Divine. Why wouldn’t I trust my now former best friend? I had no reason at all not to trust her. As the friendship developed over the years so did the trust. We have known each other since the 90ies. If you think the things I have told you about Kathleen Divine so far are all secrets, hate to break it to you but they aren’t. People aren’t stupid. People have had some of the same experiences that I have had and worse. I am well aware that I have aired dirty laundry, but if I was present and it happened to me then I can share as much of it as I please. I was recently accused of trying to body shame Kathleen Divine. I said the other ass in the photo looked better than Kathleen’s ass. Of course I know everyone on a personal level who’s asses were in this photo and I happen to think the other ass looked better. Of course none of you were there and have no idea why the photos were even taken or the full story. That was just a crumb that I dropped. What would you all do with the entire cracker? I can tell you that I am the last person who would ever shame someone on how their body looks. Kathleen Divine is the first person to shame someone on how they look. I guess that is all my fault too.

I have shared some of the horror stories, such as the things she said to me about my thighs. One night Kathleen spent the entire drunken car ride home ranting to Derek about the rolls on my thighs. All of this was done in front of me with her man friend at the time also in the car. She has tried her best to make me feel bad about my body since gastric bypass surgery. I have been berated, belittled, harassed, embarrassed, mistreated all by the queen of Size Acceptance, Kathleen Divine. The Sheer fact that Kathleen Divine claims that her Lounge is all about Size Acceptance is a great big lie. I have no idea how many times Kathleen Divine needed to be reassured that she would be the smallest/best looking one at her Lounge. That is just an old ageing diva trying to hold onto the last few one night stands before she fades away. None of this is breaking news yet for some reason people think it is my fault. If you haven’t slept with her then you know someone who has. The BBW Community is very small and very incestuous. I believe that before you hook up with someone, you might want to ask where they have been. The longer a man has been single in the BBW Community the more women he has slept with. If he hasn’t slept with anyone he might have issues. The real men who want a relationship find it and don’t play games or waste time. If you have all of the info then you can make an informed decision. Kathleen, Morgan, Fiona, and Laura all knew the lies long before I knew. That is also my fault by the way. It is my fault that my BFF’s knew Derek was lying to me and didn’t say a word till after it all blew up.

It is obvious that people have chosen sides at this point. Either you hate me and think I am bashing an innocent person. Or you are on my side and wish you could say what I am saying without any backlash. People have said they are afraid for me. What is there to be afraid of? The facts are still the same. I am the victim. I am the one who is being stalked, threatened, bullied, criminal threats made against me, attempted murder, domestic violence and so on. All of that is my fault, right? It is all my fault that I chose to date a bi-polar man. It is my fault that he was normal and medicated when we met. It is my fault that for some odd reason Kathleen Divine chose Derek over me. It is my fault that my other friend was a dirty whore and slept with Derek. It is my fault that Kathleen Divine posted photos on the internet so I could see them together just one week later. It is my fault that I met Derek in the first place at that damn Lounge. Everything is always the fault of the victim. Blame the rape victim because they were raped. If I had never done any of the above things then none of these bad things would be happening is the message people are trying to shovel my way. If it smells like bullshit then it is bullshit. None of this is my fault. When things went bad I got out ASAP and never looked back. People ask me if Kathleen Divine and I will ever be friends again. No, not in my lifetime. I have given her everything I had to give and more. There is nothing left, no friendship to save. I am not into being controlled and told how to feel. Being her friend is one sided. Read some of the older posts in case you forgot how Kathleen Divine really is.

Bitch about my Blog all you want. Bitch about it loud and clear. Make sure you send people the link so they can read it for themselves. Hate it or love it, the fact remains that you’re still reading it. You never know what I will say or do next. My life is crazy as you can read for yourself. 
By the way that is also my fault .
MoMo Out!

My Crazy Life Happens Daily!

My life in the last year has been over flowing with up’s and down’s. Every time I thought I could relax more drama would happen. I was consumed by the stress and it made me so sick I was in the hospital. I know that Derek wants me dead, but I am not going to let him or Kathleen Divine kill me. I have learned to have a tough skin from the pain that was intentionally inflicted upon me. If I can handle the pain from all of my illness and not quit, then I will survive all that has happened so far. I know there is more to come. Derek is still a fugitive and according to the Superior Court site an active warrant is out for his arrest. Maybe he will end up in jail and stay there for a while. Never in a million years did I ever think I would be a victim of domestic violence. I can see how and why so many women suffer and stay from the fear. I am not one of those women. I got out before he was able to kill me. Since then he has made criminal threats, was charged for them, served a few days and is on probation. That shows men that they can do what they want and get away with it. Ladies if you ever find yourself in a bad situation with a boyfriend get out fast and don’t look back. I can’t say he won’t stalk you because mine did and that’s why I have a restraining order. The piece of paper won’t save you from the violence, but if he breaks into your house then just shoot him. My restraining order included my parents because he wanted to kill my entire family. He even said he would kill the 3 year old first.

• Derek Peterz
  
  • hey PIG, YEAH U, HEY PIGGY PIG PIG PIG PIG; ALL of ur worst fearz will all cum true. u r a piece of shit and I will have your head; Medusa!!!!! WHY DO U KEEP FUKIN WITH ME? I AM OVER YOUR SLOPPY ASS AND KNOWING U & UR FUKED UP FAMILY IZ AN EMBARRASSMENT I CAN NEVER LIVE DOWN! U SUK BADLY U PIG!!! I TRUELY HATE U AND THAT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS 4 U AND THOZE U CARE ABIUT, NOW FUK OFF AND DIE!!!!!!!
• 
  October 25, 2011
  Derek Peterz
  
  • r u stil breethin? not 4 long pig, like a FISH
• 
  October 29, 2011
  Derek Peterz
  
  • HEY PIG!! AT THE CAR DEALERSHIP AND SAW WHAT U HAVE DONE TO MY CREDIT SCORE!!! NOW ITZ ON...I KNOW WHERE U ARE!!!
    
  • LIKE A FISH!!!
    
  • OINK OINK, CHOKE, CHOKE!!!! EAT SHIT JAIL BIRD!!

As you can see Derek is crazy and dangerous. He was in a manic episode when he thought he could buy a car with no job and no money. Needless to say therapy has kept me sane. My Blog has also been an amazing outlet for me. I love it when I run into random people and they share something they loved about my Blog. I know more people wish they could speak out in the BBW Community. I have nothing to lose. I am matter of fact is how Kathleen Divine use to describe me and herself. I am matter of fact in a nice way till you make me mad. Then I get serious. Kathleen Divine is matter of fact in a verbally abusive way. She likes to rub your face in the pile of shit and will for the rest of your life remind you how you have failed her. I am exhausted and my health is not 100% at the moment. I am fighting an illness with no cure, but each day I make it is another day with my family. Time is borrowed and in 2013 I want to be in a better place. I want to believe in humanity again. I want to trust people again and take my time getting to know them first. Anything worth having is worth the wait. Kathleen Divine use to try and make me feel worthless in the end of our friendship. I know I am worth a lot to plenty of people who love me and truly care. In the end Kathleen Divine you lost the best friend you will ever have. Now that the dust has settled are any of those people in the entourage still there for you? Anyone can see from the photos that you are now party of one. It is sad that we won’t be old on the porch passing the joint back and forth talking about the crazy fun shit that we use to do.

Next month I will be 42 years old. When I was 27 years old my Doctor told me I wouldn’t live to see 30. I beat the odds and I am still here. I even died and came back. Now that is dedication to living if you ask me lol. Not once but three times it happened to me. I was told I am needed here and I have a purpose. I am doing the best I can right now to make sure my life is moving in a positive direction. Once the lawsuit is over I can walk away and never look back at Ms. Divine. Maybe over time I will forget her and all the evil she has done to me. It will be nice for once to have a happy ending and some justice in the end for me the victim in all of this. People seem to forget I have every reason to be mad and there is no time limit on how long it takes me to get over it. I may never forgive Kathleen Divine for everything that happened. I know I won’t ever forget her and not in a good way.
MoMo Out!

Random Conversations

Mom: You know you don’t give a shit what the scale says as long as you’re alive! Excuse my French.
Me: True, can’t argue with you there. But I am still pissed that it says I gained 30 pounds in the last two month.
Mom: You know it is fluid retention and your thyroid issue.
Me: That mixed with my addiction to sugar aka my version of crack.
Mom: Crack kills.
Me: I know :/.. lol
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Me: Hello Father.
Dad: Hello Daughter.
Myself: That was a complete conversation that we have almost daily. Last summer we spent hours talking every night on the porch. Daddy loves me and kept me safe during the entire Derek drama. This summer my mind is in another place. Daddy still hangs on the porch just without me this summer till “I” find myself.
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Me: Looking in the mirror and talking to myself. Do I look fat?
Myself: You are fat but you look good anyway.
Me: Or you could be bloated. Why am I sucking it in to button my jeans?
Myself: OMG yep you’re fat MoMo.
Me: Teddy does Mama look fat? Bark once for yes twice for no. LOL don’t judge I am not the only person who talks out loud when I get ready.
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Me: I want something sweet.
Food: Well you always have choices.
Myself: Taking a mental inventory of all of the sweets in the house and thinking about the secret stash for emergencies.
Food: Wait you ate all of the cookies yesterday and there is no more secret stash per your instructions.
Me: WTF, why did I go through sugar detox? I make it a few weeks then fall of the wagon. Soon I won’t fit in my wagon again. Then what?
Myself: Do you want to be trapped inside of yourself, immobile, house bound and bed bound again?
Food: That was then things have changed you can afford the extra calories. You can just give up one thing to get that cookie.
Me: Seriously food get off my back. You know you’re my crack.
Food: Why do you resist me? Just eat me and enjoy the rush.
Me: Eating the sugar and going into that other place where you eat alone.  Nothing matters at all right now. 
Myself: Nothing you have learned about mindful eating matters right now. Lets just pray the scale won’t tell on you.
Me: You know it will. Silence.
Food: Food wins again.
Me: Shame, self loathing, self hate for lack of control.
Myself: Mo, so that you can feel better bullshit yourself and say tomorrow will be a better day.
Me: It won’t, but let’s just say it so me, myself and I feel better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me: Hi, how are you doing?
Lunch Lady: Check out my shirt. It says “I am not a raciest I hate everyone”. I work at a school so I can’t wear it to work.
Me: I read the shirt and give the laugh I was forced to give.
Lunch Lady: The kids at school are bad ass kids. I’m white but I grew up in Inglewood so I can throw down. The kids think because I am white I can’t fight.
Myself: The lunch lady for some reason thinks I am black because of the color of my skin. I was always the only black kid in a white neighborhood.
Me: I have never been to the hood.
Lunch Lady: Really girlfriend? You should go, there are some fine brothers in Inglewood.
Me: I don’t think I am ready for a man from the hood. I don’t even fry chicken or eat watermelon lol.
Lunch Lady: Girlfriend you are so funny.
Mom: Here is your dress, your receipt is in the bag. See you soon.
Lunch Lady: See you soon.
Myself: Why do people assume that all black people are from the hood? I am from the Caribbean, the West Indies. So that makes me West Indian. I am sure somewhere down the blood line my people were sold as slaves and that is how we ended up in the Virgin Islands. Growing sugar cane and making Rum. I am not looking for a thug. Thanks but no thanks. But I kept my thoughts to myself.
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Me: I am going to the Dentist so that I can be over charged and tortured all at the same time.
Dentist: Hi, how have you been?
Me: I’m good till you tell me how much for todays visit…lol I have a chipped tooth. Please don’t tell me it needs a crown.
Dentist: You do spend lots of money on your mouth and you have a beautiful smile to prove it…lol
Me: Charm doesn’t help me at $400.00 per crown, so do the best you can to avoid it.
Dentist: I can fill it, book it for the next visit.
Me: Thanks, this will be the cheapest visit yet.
Receptionist: Ok Monique a regular filling is $40.00 but the white filling that doesn’t contain anything that can cause Cancer is $80.00
Myself: They always fuck you without lube one way or another.
Me: Let’s go for the white filling. I don’t need to put something else into my body to speed up my impending death. Who knows I might die before I pay all of these Dental bills.
Receptionist: You’re always so funny.
Myself: Humor, Valium, Pain meds and some Kush before each visit makes it all less painful.
Me: Thanks, see you next week.
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Kathleen Divine: Text: Answer the phone, I know you just saw me call you twice.
Me: Text: Don’t want to talk I am way to pissed off at you right now.
Kathleen Divine: I am calling you anyway. What’s wrong? Why do you hate me?
Me: Really, are you seriously asking me what’s wrong?
Kathleen Divine : Can’t you remember any of the good times we had? Hate me all you want but I will remember the good times.
Me: I will let you know when I remember the good times. So far the only thing coming to my mind is the fact that you still owe me thousands of dollars and my ex is living with you.
Kathleen Divine: I know now that wasn’t a good plan.
Me: Ya think! I am done done done.
Myself: We had good times when you were a human being that had compassion for others. Before you started thinking only about yourself and how you could trap people into being domestic slaves. You know that shit didn’t fly with me. Now that the blinders are off I see you for who you really are. What I see is not good Kathleen Divine. You are no longer a good person nor do I know if you ever were. Thank God Morgan was able to take my place as the token black friend. Fiona is now your married BFF lovingly know as the dirty whore who slept with my ex. Shit happens Mo and you are moving on.
Kathleen: Are you going to hate me forever?
Me: I never said I hated you. If I hated you, I would make sure I told you first. End of conversation.
MoMo Out!

Time Out Kathleen Divine!

I try to never write a Blog when I am mad. I may be upset as I write about the bad memories, but I wait a few days then read it over, edit, read it again, then do another edit. Sometimes I might even let a friend read it first to get another opinion. I don’t want to come off as overly emotional and speak out of anger. I want to express myself in a clear, concise and factual way. I like to get to the point and make sure you get my point. I am at a level 10 in the time out zone. If there was any sign of chocolate in the house it would have already been eaten. I would deal with the guilt and self loathing later. Nothing else would matter to me right now other than my anger and the need to self sooth. None of the self soothing things on the list from therapy work for me. I found my own outlet and it is this Blog. I love the freedom it gives me. I can pour it all out on the page. I can tell the world how I feel and maybe one person who is in the same boat will have a moment and the switch will click on.

So many of the bad things that have happened to me in the last year are because of Kathleen Divine. I must have had blinders on when I became her best friend. The person who Kathleen Divine is today is not the person I became friends with. I am sure that is because at the time I was in and now I am out. When you’re out the evil begins to happen to you. Kathleen Divine may not be the one to make the calls to report a fake bomb threat, but she is the one who puts the bug in someone’s ear close to her and it will happen. I have no idea why people are willing to give her anything she demands. I helped Kathleen Divine when she was almost out of the game. Her Lounge was about to close and the numbers were under 100 people on any given Saturday night. Kathleen Divine your word is your bond. If you don’t have your word then you have nothing. Kathleen Divine and I made a verbal agreement then a couple months ago she stopped paying.

Kathleen Divine agreed to pay the credit card bill for the things she needed to charge. Now she has decided to not pay her bill even though she knows it is her responsibility. I am tired of my phone ringing at 8am, 8:30am, 3pm, 3:30pm and the last call is around 4:24pm because the bank is calling from back east. I am exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally drained. I truly am at the end of my rope. I have nothing left to give to Kathleen Divine. I know she wants me dead. I ended up in the hospital in June from the stress. If you want me dead so bad then call Derek he is still trying to kill me. He is a fugitive so he could be outside my door any time he feels like it. Why do the evil people think that they can do anything they want to others and not have any consequences for their actions? I am so tired of people fucking me over and trying to use me.

If you aren't my friend then you are an acquaintance. You should be able to tell if you're my friend or not. When was the last time you called me to say hello? When was the last time we just hung out? When was the last time we went out? When was the last time we had girl talk? When was the last time we did anything? If you have to think about it then you know where we stand. Life is too short to have fake friends. I have no idea why I had a fake friend like Kathleen Divine for so long. If you let Kathleen tell the story I am the bad guy. I used her to get in for free to her Lounge that smells like piss, beer and sweaty ass topped off with the rank smell of the free chili and nacho cheese. Nothing worse than talking to someone with nacho breath. I used her to be in the entourage, lol. I used her for the lifestyle, lol. Blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The lifestyle part makes me laugh out loud so hard you have no idea. If that so called lifestyle is ending up living in a senior mobile home community around the corner from my parents then I will keep my lifestyle. At least with my lifestyle I have a foundation and no one can pick up my house and drive it away. Frustrated, livid pissed and just done is as close as I can express to you all how I am feeling at the moment. I just want the drama to end. When random people come up to me and say they love my Blog then I know I am doing something right. These people are also sharing their horror stories with me on what Kathleen Divine did to them. Most of them had things happen to them that even shocked me. Things that I would not have believed if I was still her friend. Do you ever really know someone?  

Everyone has two sides and I make my two sides really clear. I am black and white. I don’t like gray areas, those are just an excuse for bullshit. Stick to the facts is how I like to live. Kathleen Divine I have given you every chance to fix this. What happens next is all on you. You know it really is a good idea that the credit card companies record all of their calls to customer service and the collections department. 
MoMo Out!

This photo was taken in 2004. As you can see she had to check out the competition. The other ass looks better than yours Kathleen so get over yourself. The fans on my old BBW site said so hahahaha.

Random Losers and The Douchebag of the Week #2

This is the perfect example of the way people have become disconnected from reality due to social media. If I was at the market waiting my turn at the meat counter do you think a perfect stranger would say things to me with no filter at all? I am not saying it wouldn’t happen because strange things do all the time, but the chances are slim.

• JeanBart

hi there

• Me hi
  
• JeanBart how are you ?
  
• JeanBart how are you ?
  
• Me fine
  
• 2:15 AM
• JeanBart great
  
• JeanBart would you like to chat ?
  
• Me we are chatting
  
• JeanBart that's right
  
• JeanBart which topic you enjoy ?
  
• Me how old are you?
  
• JeanBart 35
  
• JeanBart you ?
  
• Me 41
  
• JeanBart good
  
• JeanBart you like younger male ?
  
• JeanBart like 35...
  
• Me that is close enough in age to not make a big deal out of it. If you were 25 then we would have a problem
  
• JeanBart ok
  
• JeanBart now you know I'm adult lol, which topic you enjoy ?
  
• Me we are both adults so what is your point
  
• Me where are you from?
  
• JeanBart France
  
• Me California
  
• JeanBart I love a topic... but afraid you ran away...
  
• Me long way away
  
• JeanBart yes true
  
• Me i am afraid to ask but go ahead and tell me so I can be done
  
• JeanBart if you are afraid... I think you know what I mean... ?
  
• 2:23 AM
• JeanBart right ?
  
• JeanBart that's why you ran away ?
  
• 2:24 AM
• JeanBart please ?
  
• Me what do u want to say?
  
• JeanBart I'm horny.... And I love to share that with you
  
• Me then go fuck yourself

 

• sean S hi
  
• 2:22 AM
• Me hi
  
• 2:27 AM
• sean S hi sorry about that
  
• Me sorry about what?
  
• sean S i left before?
  
• Me so did i
  
• 2:39 AM
• sean S well i love ur pics monique
  
• Me thanks
  
• 2:41 AM
• sean S do u like tall men?
  
• 2:43 AM
• sean S gday

I have zero patience for small talk or chit chat with someone in another country. Unless you plan on booking a flight to California so that you can get to know me, then what is the point? The conversation always goes the same so I just didn’t respond. What woman do you know that would say “no I only like short men”.

July 22
Calvin Naidoo

• I love big women babe

Daniel Everitt

• Hi Dear,i saw your pics it's cute i think is going to be interesting meeting you and knowing more about you

April 13
Eng Salah

• love ur pic
  u r toooo beautiful
  can i add u plz ?

June 24
Uby Mayor

• Hello, my name is Dario, I'm a boy anorexic, weighing only 75 lbs, and I'd like to have a history of great sex with a woman in flesh, who like my bones.
  How much do you weight

June 16
Alok Sharma

• I love Big girl gear..rear n front

July 12
China Mike

• hello can you add me pls

These guys have no clue the photo they saw was one or more of the models in an add for www.biggirlgear.com Who writes to a business page on FB and says these things? As you can see these men do. I have no words to express my disgust with these random losers. In the mean time I will just promote the clothing site, happy shopping.
 
The Douchebag of the week is Kathleen Divine. This is from our last conversation. Of course she has yet to call back to work out the money she owes me. I have of course called, left messages, emails and sent texts. Not one reply since this email. I might have to leave her as the Douchebag of the week till she fixes this problem. It really is a douchebag thing to do, leaving your former best friend drowning in debt that you racked up then promised to pay. My phone rings all day from the bank calling to find out when they will get paid. I have no answers for the bank since Kathleen Divine is avoiding the situation like she always does. Even though age is just a number in her 50 years Kathleen Divine still acts like a child. I am not sure how much longer my body can handle the stress. I have already been in the hospital with congestive heart failure in June. My Lupus is fully active and stress just makes it worse. The pain is unbearable at times. I refuse to die over money and a awful person like Kathleen Divine who Karma will catch up with. How does she sleep at night with all of the negative energy around her? 
7/03/12
From: Kathleen Divine
To: Monique Jurgen
My phone is dead, I am off to bed have to get up at 7:30.
Talk tomorrow night
Kat
 
The latest on Douchebag 1 is below according to the Superior Court website.

Case Summary
Case Number:	11HF3223
OC Pay Number:	6990156
Originating Court:	Harbor - Newport Beach Facility
Defendant:	Peter, Derek William
Demographics:
	Eyes:	Gray
	Hair:	Blond
	Height(ft/in) :	6'6"
	Weight (lbs):	235

Names:
	Last Name	First Name	Middle Name	Type
	Peter	Derek	William	Real Name
	Larrieu	John	Paul	Alias
	Larrieu	John	Paul	Alias

Case Status:
	Status:	Warrant
	Case Stage:
	Release Status:	Fugitive
	Warrant:	Y
	DMV Hold :	N
	Charging Document:	Complaint
	Mandatory Appearance:	Y
	Owner's Resp:	N
	Amendment #:	0

MoMo Out!