My life in the last year has been over flowing with up’s and down’s. Every time I thought I could relax more drama would happen. I was consumed by the stress and it made me so sick I was in the hospital. I know that Derek wants me dead, but I am not going to let him or Kathleen Divine kill me. I have learned to have a tough skin from the pain that was intentionally inflicted upon me. If I can handle the pain from all of my illness and not quit, then I will survive all that has happened so far. I know there is more to come. Derek is still a fugitive and according to the Superior Court site an active warrant is out for his arrest. Maybe he will end up in jail and stay there for a while. Never in a million years did I ever think I would be a victim of domestic violence. I can see how and why so many women suffer and stay from the fear. I am not one of those women. I got out before he was able to kill me. Since then he has made criminal threats, was charged for them, served a few days and is on probation. That shows men that they can do what they want and get away with it. Ladies if you ever find yourself in a bad situation with a boyfriend get out fast and don’t look back. I can’t say he won’t stalk you because mine did and that’s why I have a restraining order. The piece of paper won’t save you from the violence, but if he breaks into your house then just shoot him. My restraining order included my parents because he wanted to kill my entire family. He even said he would kill the 3 year old first.
- Derek Peterz
- hey PIG, YEAH U, HEY PIGGY PIG PIG PIG PIG; ALL of ur worst fearz will all cum true. u r a piece of shit and I will have your head; Medusa!!!!! WHY DO U KEEP FUKIN WITH ME? I AM OVER YOUR SLOPPY ASS AND KNOWING U & UR FUKED UP FAMILY IZ AN EMBARRASSMENT I CAN NEVER LIVE DOWN! U SUK BADLY U PIG!!! I TRUELY HATE U AND THAT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS 4 U AND THOZE U CARE ABIUT, NOW FUK OFF AND DIE!!!!!!!
-
October 25, 2011
Derek Peterz
- r u stil breethin? not 4 long pig, like a FISH
-
October 29, 2011
Derek Peterz
- HEY PIG!! AT THE CAR DEALERSHIP AND SAW WHAT U HAVE DONE TO MY CREDIT SCORE!!! NOW ITZ ON...I KNOW WHERE U ARE!!!
- LIKE A FISH!!!
- OINK OINK, CHOKE, CHOKE!!!! EAT SHIT JAIL BIRD!!
As you can see Derek is crazy and dangerous. He was in a manic episode when he thought he could buy a car with no job and no money. Needless to say therapy has kept me sane. My Blog has also been an amazing outlet for me. I love it when I run into random people and they share something they loved about my Blog. I know more people wish they could speak out in the BBW Community. I have nothing to lose. I am matter of fact is how Kathleen Divine use to describe me and herself. I am matter of fact in a nice way till you make me mad. Then I get serious. Kathleen Divine is matter of fact in a verbally abusive way. She likes to rub your face in the pile of shit and will for the rest of your life remind you how you have failed her. I am exhausted and my health is not 100% at the moment. I am fighting an illness with no cure, but each day I make it is another day with my family. Time is borrowed and in 2013 I want to be in a better place. I want to believe in humanity again. I want to trust people again and take my time getting to know them first. Anything worth having is worth the wait. Kathleen Divine use to try and make me feel worthless in the end of our friendship. I know I am worth a lot to plenty of people who love me and truly care. In the end Kathleen Divine you lost the best friend you will ever have. Now that the dust has settled are any of those people in the entourage still there for you? Anyone can see from the photos that you are now party of one. It is sad that we won’t be old on the porch passing the joint back and forth talking about the crazy fun shit that we use to do.
Next month I will be 42 years old. When I was 27 years old my Doctor told me I wouldn’t live to see 30. I beat the odds and I am still here. I even died and came back. Now that is dedication to living if you ask me lol. Not once but three times it happened to me. I was told I am needed here and I have a purpose. I am doing the best I can right now to make sure my life is moving in a positive direction. Once the lawsuit is over I can walk away and never look back at Ms. Divine. Maybe over time I will forget her and all the evil she has done to me. It will be nice for once to have a happy ending and some justice in the end for me the victim in all of this. People seem to forget I have every reason to be mad and there is no time limit on how long it takes me to get over it. I may never forgive Kathleen Divine for everything that happened. I know I won’t ever forget her and not in a good way.MoMo Out!
Mom: You know you don’t give a shit what the scale says as long as you’re alive! Excuse my French.
Me: True, can’t argue with you there. But I am still pissed that it says I gained 30 pounds in the last two month.
Mom: You know it is fluid retention and your thyroid issue.
Me: That mixed with my addiction to sugar aka my version of crack.
Mom: Crack kills.
Me: I know :/.. lol
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Me: Hello Father.
Dad: Hello Daughter.
Myself: That was a complete conversation that we have almost daily. Last summer we spent hours talking every night on the porch. Daddy loves me and kept me safe during the entire Derek drama. This summer my mind is in another place. Daddy still hangs on the porch just without me this summer till “I” find myself.
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Me: Looking in the mirror and talking to myself. Do I look fat?
Myself: You are fat but you look good anyway.
Me: Or you could be bloated. Why am I sucking it in to button my jeans?
Myself: OMG yep you’re fat MoMo.
Me: Teddy does Mama look fat? Bark once for yes twice for no. LOL don’t judge I am not the only person who talks out loud when I get ready.
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Me: I want something sweet.
Food: Well you always have choices.
Myself: Taking a mental inventory of all of the sweets in the house and thinking about the secret stash for emergencies.
Food: Wait you ate all of the cookies yesterday and there is no more secret stash per your instructions.
Me: WTF, why did I go through sugar detox? I make it a few weeks then fall of the wagon. Soon I won’t fit in my wagon again. Then what?
Myself: Do you want to be trapped inside of yourself, immobile, house bound and bed bound again?
Food: That was then things have changed you can afford the extra calories. You can just give up one thing to get that cookie.
Me: Seriously food get off my back. You know you’re my crack.
Food: Why do you resist me? Just eat me and enjoy the rush.
Me: Eating the sugar and going into that other place where you eat alone. Nothing matters at all right now.
Myself: Nothing you have learned about mindful eating matters right now. Lets just pray the scale won’t tell on you.
Me: You know it will. Silence.
Food: Food wins again.
Me: Shame, self loathing, self hate for lack of control.
Myself: Mo, so that you can feel better bullshit yourself and say tomorrow will be a better day.
Me: It won’t, but let’s just say it so me, myself and I feel better.
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Me: Hi, how are you doing?
Lunch Lady: Check out my shirt. It says “I am not a raciest I hate everyone”. I work at a school so I can’t wear it to work.
Me: I read the shirt and give the laugh I was forced to give.
Lunch Lady: The kids at school are bad ass kids. I’m white but I grew up in Inglewood so I can throw down. The kids think because I am white I can’t fight.
Myself: The lunch lady for some reason thinks I am black because of the color of my skin. I was always the only black kid in a white neighborhood.
Me: I have never been to the hood.
Lunch Lady: Really girlfriend? You should go, there are some fine brothers in Inglewood.
Me: I don’t think I am ready for a man from the hood. I don’t even fry chicken or eat watermelon lol.
Lunch Lady: Girlfriend you are so funny.
Mom: Here is your dress, your receipt is in the bag. See you soon.
Lunch Lady: See you soon.
Myself: Why do people assume that all black people are from the hood? I am from the Caribbean, the West Indies. So that makes me West Indian. I am sure somewhere down the blood line my people were sold as slaves and that is how we ended up in the Virgin Islands. Growing sugar cane and making Rum. I am not looking for a thug. Thanks but no thanks. But I kept my thoughts to myself.
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Me: I am going to the Dentist so that I can be over charged and tortured all at the same time.
Dentist: Hi, how have you been?
Me: I’m good till you tell me how much for todays visit…lol I have a chipped tooth. Please don’t tell me it needs a crown.
Dentist: You do spend lots of money on your mouth and you have a beautiful smile to prove it…lol
Me: Charm doesn’t help me at $400.00 per crown, so do the best you can to avoid it.
Dentist: I can fill it, book it for the next visit.
Me: Thanks, this will be the cheapest visit yet.
Receptionist: Ok Monique a regular filling is $40.00 but the white filling that doesn’t contain anything that can cause Cancer is $80.00
Myself: They always fuck you without lube one way or another.
Me: Let’s go for the white filling. I don’t need to put something else into my body to speed up my impending death. Who knows I might die before I pay all of these Dental bills.
Receptionist: You’re always so funny.
Myself: Humor, Valium, Pain meds and some Kush before each visit makes it all less painful.
Me: Thanks, see you next week.
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Kathleen Divine: Text: Answer the phone, I know you just saw me call you twice.
Me: Text: Don’t want to talk I am way to pissed off at you right now.
Kathleen Divine: I am calling you anyway. What’s wrong? Why do you hate me?
Me: Really, are you seriously asking me what’s wrong?
Kathleen Divine : Can’t you remember any of the good times we had? Hate me all you want but I will remember the good times.
Me: I will let you know when I remember the good times. So far the only thing coming to my mind is the fact that you still owe me thousands of dollars and my ex is living with you.
Kathleen Divine: I know now that wasn’t a good plan.
Me: Ya think! I am done done done.
Myself: We had good times when you were a human being that had compassion for others. Before you started thinking only about yourself and how you could trap people into being domestic slaves. You know that shit didn’t fly with me. Now that the blinders are off I see you for who you really are. What I see is not good Kathleen Divine. You are no longer a good person nor do I know if you ever were. Thank God Morgan was able to take my place as the token black friend. Fiona is now your married BFF lovingly know as the dirty whore who slept with my ex. Shit happens Mo and you are moving on.
Kathleen: Are you going to hate me forever?
Me: I never said I hated you. If I hated you, I would make sure I told you first. End of conversation.
MoMo Out!
I try to never write a Blog when I am mad. I may be upset as I write about the bad memories, but I wait a few days then read it over, edit, read it again, then do another edit. Sometimes I might even let a friend read it first to get another opinion. I don’t want to come off as overly emotional and speak out of anger. I want to express myself in a clear, concise and factual way. I like to get to the point and make sure you get my point. I am at a level 10 in the time out zone. If there was any sign of chocolate in the house it would have already been eaten. I would deal with the guilt and self loathing later. Nothing else would matter to me right now other than my anger and the need to self sooth. None of the self soothing things on the list from therapy work for me. I found my own outlet and it is this Blog. I love the freedom it gives me. I can pour it all out on the page. I can tell the world how I feel and maybe one person who is in the same boat will have a moment and the switch will click on.
So many of the bad things that have happened to me in the last year are because of Kathleen Divine. I must have had blinders on when I became her best friend. The person who Kathleen Divine is today is not the person I became friends with. I am sure that is because at the time I was in and now I am out. When you’re out the evil begins to happen to you. Kathleen Divine may not be the one to make the calls to report a fake bomb threat, but she is the one who puts the bug in someone’s ear close to her and it will happen. I have no idea why people are willing to give her anything she demands. I helped Kathleen Divine when she was almost out of the game. Her Lounge was about to close and the numbers were under 100 people on any given Saturday night. Kathleen Divine your word is your bond. If you don’t have your word then you have nothing. Kathleen Divine and I made a verbal agreement then a couple months ago she stopped paying.
Kathleen Divine agreed to pay the credit card bill for the things she needed to charge. Now she has decided to not pay her bill even though she knows it is her responsibility. I am tired of my phone ringing at 8am, 8:30am, 3pm, 3:30pm and the last call is around 4:24pm because the bank is calling from back east. I am exhausted emotionally, physically and mentally drained. I truly am at the end of my rope. I have nothing left to give to Kathleen Divine. I know she wants me dead. I ended up in the hospital in June from the stress. If you want me dead so bad then call Derek he is still trying to kill me. He is a fugitive so he could be outside my door any time he feels like it. Why do the evil people think that they can do anything they want to others and not have any consequences for their actions? I am so tired of people fucking me over and trying to use me.
If you aren't my friend then you are an acquaintance. You should be able to tell if you're my friend or not. When was the last time you called me to say hello? When was the last time we just hung out? When was the last time we went out? When was the last time we had girl talk? When was the last time we did anything? If you have to think about it then you know where we stand. Life is too short to have fake friends. I have no idea why I had a fake friend like Kathleen Divine for so long. If you let Kathleen tell the story I am the bad guy. I used her to get in for free to her Lounge that smells like piss, beer and sweaty ass topped off with the rank smell of the free chili and nacho cheese. Nothing worse than talking to someone with nacho breath. I used her to be in the entourage, lol. I used her for the lifestyle, lol. Blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
The lifestyle part makes me laugh out loud so hard you have no idea. If that so called lifestyle is ending up living in a senior mobile home community around the corner from my parents then I will keep my lifestyle. At least with my lifestyle I have a foundation and no one can pick up my house and drive it away. Frustrated, livid pissed and just done is as close as I can express to you all how I am feeling at the moment. I just want the drama to end. When random people come up to me and say they love my Blog then I know I am doing something right. These people are also sharing their horror stories with me on what Kathleen Divine did to them. Most of them had things happen to them that even shocked me. Things that I would not have believed if I was still her friend. Do you ever really know someone?
Everyone has two sides and I make my two sides really clear. I am black and white. I don’t like gray areas, those are just an excuse for bullshit. Stick to the facts is how I like to live. Kathleen Divine I have given you every chance to fix this. What happens next is all on you. You know it really is a good idea that the credit card companies record all of their calls to customer service and the collections department.
MoMo Out!
This photo was taken in 2004. As you can see she had to check out the competition. The other ass looks better than yours Kathleen so get over yourself. The fans on my old BBW site said so hahahaha.
