The Easy Way Out!

Some would say food addiction isn't possible because we can’t live without food. Others say the high you get when you eat certain foods is the same high as a narcotic drug. I have always said food is my drug of choice. Food is so many things to me. It is good times, bad times, hard time, family times, friends time and much more. We eat when we are sad, mad or glad. We eat to live but some live to eat. I watched a good friend of mine eat himself to death from his addiction to food. No matter what he did, he had no control. He would run out of food and call me asking for help. I couldn't let him starve so I would bring food that he would have to cook so it would last longer. The amount of food he consumed in a day was more than enough to feed a family of five people. That was my first introduction to food addiction. I had no idea I was in the same boat as my friend. As time went on my food became more and more out of control. I have no idea how many calories I consumed in a day. If I had to guess it could be 6000 or more. None of it was healthy low calorie food. I drank soda in place of water. Regular soda loaded with corn syrup fructose. I drank at least a couple of two liters of soda a day. I ate donuts like they were chops and dip. Pizza, fast food, fried foods, Chinese take out loaded with sweet sauces and of course fried. There was no end in sight. My only goal was planning my next meal. I would still be chewing and day dreaming about what I wanted to eat next.

I decided to have gastric bypass surgery and lost 300 pounds. I have changed my life 100%. The wanting and craving for bad foods is under control most days. Now I have consequences for my actions when I binge on sugar. After eight years post op I have learned that it will be a fight every day of my life. With therapy from someone who deals with eating disorders, food addiction and binge eating disorder I have learned many tools to control my triggers. I still suffer from depression and anxiety. During those times it is the hardest to control. I want to emotionally eat in the hope of self soothing myself. I find that when I discuss this within the BBW Community I am met with hostility. People read things into my comments and make up what they felt I meant instead of reading what I said and take it as is. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. I am an open book when it comes to my food addiction, gastric bypass surgery the good the bad and the ugly of the whole experience.

I believe people shoot out their anger towards me for many reasons. Some may be jealous or have some sort of envy because they are afraid to do what I did. My story was not all roses, peaches and cream. It was one hell of a fight and the fight is not over till the fat lady sings and I am not ready to sing yet. Even death knocking at your back door does not motivate some people to start to make changes towards a better quality of life. Some choose to be alone and become trapped in their own body, their home and even in just their bed. That is not living life to me. I struggle to walk and the pain I feel with every step I take is over a level ten on the pain scale. Yet I get up and move slowly at my own pace. I had to learn to walk all over again during my first year post op. Living in a bed and being in a wheelchair is not my idea of a good time. I fight, I struggle, I cry, I hurt all over my body but I don’t give up on myself. I did not butcher my body by choosing to have gastric bypass surgery. I resent the constant insults from people who are anti weight loss surgery. Respect my choice. Not once have I ever told someone to have surgery. It is their body and their choice to do as they see fit. If you want to butcher yourself as the anti weight loss police put it then have at it. If you want to sit home behind your computer trapped in bed spewing your angry venom towards other people who are being pro active with their own lives then have at it. Just leave me out of it. Yeah, the dead people can’t talk to say no I don’t recommend surgery. You can die either way. I had a 50/50 shot so I rolled the dice. I was going to die anyway, I had nothing left to lose.

I enjoy my new life much better. I like being able to walk even though it hurts and I need a cane. I like not going to a fast food place. I like cooking my own meals so I control what I put in my body. I still feel guilty when I have a binge. I am only hurting myself, yet at times I have no control. I am truly sorry for the ones that didn't make it, but you can die from any surgery. You can’t be angry at the surgery. Yes be angry you lost a loved one, but don’t blame the ones that survived their surgery. We have no control who lives or dies. Post op you find out who your real friends are. They say the person has changed. Of course they have changed they see a new world. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, just be there to support them not spew hate about butchery. FYI food addiction is very real and so is binge eating disorder. You can now find info in medical journals. Do your own research if you want to know more. As far as I am concerned my surgery was a success. I have lived almost 8 years longer than doctors said I would if I had not had surgery. You can read my complete story about the last 7 years of my life post op in the archives of my Blog.
MoMo Out!