Sadness & Madness

While in therapy I found myself spending way to much time talking about my friendship with Kathleen. It was to the point where I asked her to come in for just one session and talk about what's wrong. Of course she said yes then found some reason not to go. Kathleen loves to put things off till the very last minute. The last email I sent her was on January 4, 2012. I did not get a reply until 20 days later. All of a sudden she cares. The real truth is my Blog was out and she is not happy about it. We have had our issues for a while now. None of the things I am telling you are new to me or her, but they are to everyone else. Having to relive some of the stories as I write them have made me sad. I would love to only remember the good times. The bad times are what have stuck with me. I doubt I will ever be able to forgive Kat for these things. The damage and the knives in my back are so deep I have bled out. I have nothing left to give other than my stories.

I have noticed that people in the BBW Community don’t like any kind of conflict if they are called out publicly. Why is everyone so afraid to speak about the emotional and verbal abuse they have suffered from others around us in our very own community? Why, don’t you all know that you aren't alone? If everyone stands up and decides to make changes then things will change. I can’t sit back and play the victim, that is what Kathleen is good at. I know my Blog has been the buzz because the numbers don’t lie. You just can’t help but read it even if you hate me for saying it. That in itself speaks volume about how things work within the community. Don’t ask, Don’t tell is BULLSHIT!! I’d want to know, don’t you? If any one of my stories can help even one person it was worth it.

Everyday I would wake up and think this has to be a bad dream. You never knew what the mood was going to be. You never knew till you entered the room and you could just feel the passive aggressive energy flowing through the room. After a brief hello from both parties let the battle begin. It could be you left crumbs on the counter from your English muffin last night. I would think to myself I clean the kitchen all the time are you serious about crumbs?!! Having a BFF is almost like being married. When you live together, work together and go out together it can be a bit much. I can honestly say that my divorce from Mr. Brown was so much easier than the pending divorce from Kathleen. I am the kind of person that when things are over I am gone. You can’t keep trying to fix something that is truly broken. I doubt she will ever change, but I don’t worry about that anymore. The only reason we have to maintain limited contact is all over money.

Never ever let a friend who is down on their luck even though they are your BFF use your credit cards. People really do suck and it is always the best friend that sleeps with your man, uses you for anything they want then say fuck you. If your best friend can look at you with a straight face, insult you, criticize you, and just be a big old Debbie downer then they aren't your friend. If they end the insults with and I quote, “I tell you this as your BFF”, then you have your answer. How badly does someone need to treat you before you say enough? That is a story for another day. I will get to that as we go along. There is plenty of sadness for everyone just take a number and get in line. Or you can say no and move onto people and relationships that are worth your time and investment. The feeling of being trapped doesn’t work for me. If you stick your hand in the Lions cage he might bite it off. Just a word of advice, stop messing with people. Our mutual friends have been forced to choose. The demand came straight from Kathleen not me.

MoMo Out!