Love & Loss

From a very early age we read the fairytales about Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and they all begin with, Once upon a time. Every story has a beginning, middle and an ending. The beginning is always happy and dream like. The middle is where you fight to stay together with good verses evil. The ending is always that they live happily ever after. As a child of course I believed in those fairytales. I believed that the day I fell in love we would have a happy ending. Well as I grew up and got older I started to believe that love just very well may be a complete figment of our imagination. As another decade goes by I start to believe that forever is only as long as it lasts. You have no idea how long any relationship will last. Relationships between friends or lovers is still a relationship. It is still a commitment that you make to another person. All relationships are built on trust. If you have no trust in your relationship then you have no foundation.

 

In my early 20ies I fell in love with a man who died because he had twelve inoperable brain tumors. In my heart there will always be love for him even though he is no longer with us. In my early 30ies my boyfriend fell asleep while driving home after a long day. He suffered a blunt head trauma and died instantly. Just last year my good friend died in a Motorcycle crash due to blunt head trauma and he was only wearing a half helmet. I do wonder if he was wearing a full helmet if he would have survived. I will never know. I know what it is like to suffer the loss of someone you love. The loss of my best friend has been very hard on me as well. After having a friendship that lasted over a decade it is hard to let go. It is hard to be the one to walk away from a toxic relationship.

 

On July 4, 2011 Derek and I broke up. He didn’t come home that night. He decided that spending the holiday with his ex wife was more important than his girlfriend and a BBQ with my family. I knew for weeks something wasn’t right. I can smell it when a man is cheating. I can feel it in my gut when the beginning of the end is coming. Derek had no balls so he turned to Kathleen for support. I told her the next day since he didn’t come home we were done and I wanted him out of the house. As I hobbled all by myself to the Orthopedic Doctor for a round of shots in both of my knees, Kathleen was at home busy moving Derek out of our room into her office. I had asked Derek to give me a ride to the doctor long before any of these things happened. I could hardly walk as I used a cane to help me not fall as I arrived at the doctors office. I was then shot up with steroid filler into both knees so I could walk again in a few days. I was hurt but I can take care of myself.

 

I came home and asked Kathleen what was going on here. She took it upon herself to move Derek into her office because she didn’t want him to move out. I tried everything to get him out and she wanted him to stay. Her loyalty should have been to me her BFF not my ex boyfriend. I was in pain, upset, pissed off beyond livid and was now going to be living across the hall from my now ex boyfriend till I could leave. We had friends over that Sunday and they felt uncomfortable about what Kathleen had done. I know I wasn’t the only person that knew this was wrong on so many levels. Derek said I love it here why would I want to leave even though we are over. The entire thing was one huge set up. On July 7th 2011 he was scheduled for surgery and I was supposed to take him. He was no longer my responsibility so I told Kathleen to give him a ride. She of course said no it was his problem and my problem. He didn’t come home the night before so where ever he slept she could take him.

 

I decided to keep my therapy appointment. If I didn’t talk to someone I was going to blow. In the middle of getting ready Kathleen comes to my door and informs me that Derek is back from surgery and his ex wife is in our house. I wanted to reach out and choke her. Why in the world did she think that would be a good idea? We had a huge argument about it. My ex and his ex wife were in the room across the hall from me. Now she wants to go into our kitchen and cook him some of my chicken soup before she leaves. Are you fucking serious Kathleen Divine? She said yes and I almost snapped. I don’t remember what we shouted at one another but I am sure it wasn’t very nice. If I had ever done that to her she would have had me murdered. She would have paid extra to scatter my body parts in different states. This was going to be a deep cut.  I had the ex boyfriend, his ex wife and my soon to be ex BFF all pushing down on the blade so it went deeper into my back than ever before. I think I was impaled by that dagger, or did they just use a ninja sword to stab me with? What ever they used it was too deep for stitches or emergency surgery. I felt like I was going to die or freak out then die. Neither of which would have been good so I am off to therapy.

 

When it is over for me it is over. There is no going back. He cheated on me with his ex wife of all people. Why go back to the old? Why not find someone new? Men always seem to cheat down. Upgrade men, when you do cheat and I know you will. The ex wife has no self worth and would let Derek use her over and over. He used me when he was down and out so I helped him. He used his ex wife and he used Kathleen in the end. I found the emails that he exchanged with his ex wife. She couldn’t wait for me to leave so they could get back together. LMAO is what I did when I saw the email. I wrote her back in English then had it translated into Spanish which is her first language. I didn’t want her to miss a word about what I had to say. I guess I was the only one who had figured out that Derek was a liar, cheat, user and a total douche bag. Code name Charlie was the name for the affair, they could have done better than that one IMO. Notice they had plans before we broke up as he was out apartment shopping for us. To be continued see the emails below. 

 

MoMo Out!

 

--- On Sat, 7/2/11, Charlie Peter-reyes <@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Charlie Peter-reyes <@yahoo.com>
Subject: CHARLIE
To: Derek  @yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, July 2, 2011, 3:56 PM

hello! I'm happy my love, we can talk all day!! The next month will be better you know, WHEN SHE LIVES HOME

--- On Sat, 7/2/11, Charlie Peter-reyes <@yahoo.com> wrote:

From: Charlie Peter-reyes <@yahoo.com>
Subject: SURGERY SURGERY
To:  Derek  @yahoo.com
Date: Saturday, July 2, 2011, 2:36 AM

hello my life, well told me that your surgery is on July 7, well I just want you to know that I'll be with you at heart, do not know how we can communicate as I see that you are very restricted in that house, and many problems with that lady monique not want to go ummmm, I wish she had a little respect and was soon so you can be calmer and not so many problems that are not going to do well for your recovery. I hope it passes not boring, try to relax, read, eat well, look at the mail I will send some messages as you asked.
God wants everything to go well, and soon au can return normal working life, remember that being busy helps you stay healthy.
well I hope you write me soon.
all my love
charlie

 

My mom forced me to smile I gave it my best shot. This is from the day we broke up. I showed up alone and had to tell my entire family what a Douche Bag Derek Peter turned out to be.

This is my stalker, ex-boyfriend, liar, cheating, scumbag, pansy and what ever else may come to my mind later on. I reserve the right to resume the name calling when I am ready. This is the same dude who I now have a restraining order against good for the next five years. Watch out for him ladies in the BBW community he is a mad man and wants to kill me and my family.