Hang On

When I was a child I was lost and felt alone. I wasn’t close to my family like I am now. There were so many things I just didn’t understand. I didn’t understand why everyone kept telling me I was going to die young if I didn’t loose weight. The doctors, my teachers, school nurse, my family. There was no escape. Around every corner there was someone telling me I was too fat and I was going to die. Looking back on it now I know my family was saying it out of real concern and love. I was not aware of that as a child. I was on a new diet every month from the age of nine till I left home at 18. I told myself I was never going to let anyone tell me what to do again. I told myself that I can spend my money on what ever I wanted to eat.

I grew up in the SF Valley, so yes I was a valley girl and spent many hours at the Galleria. Back then in the 80’s it was every teenagers right of passage spending the day at the Galleria. I had lots of friends and keep in touch with some of them to this day. I still have friends in my life that I have known for over 20 years. Life is so fragile and precious. It wasn’t until I became ill that I said maybe I should have listened to my doctors a little bit sooner. Every person’s body has a limit before it will give out on them. I have had many bad things happen to me over the years. I have been dealing with serious illness since the age of 27 and I am now 41. I remember shortly after my weight loss surgery I thought I was going to die. I was so sick they couldn’t find a vein for the IV. It was the first time I ever thought I was done and ready to let it all go. It would have been so easy to lay in my bed and die that night.

Kathleen was there after the nurse left my place. She was told if I wasn’t doing better to call an ambulance. I was getting worse. My mom called, they were out of town and I told her I think I will be dead by the time they got back into town. My mom called my brother and he drove over an hour to take me to the hospital. If I had stayed home I would have died in my bed that night. I have been close to death more than once.  I have died three times but they saved me in the ER. I have been fighting to stay alive for almost 15 years. I have so many things medically wrong with me I can’t list them all. I fight to live and beat Lupus which has no cure. I am well aware that one day after all the years of fighting to live it will be my time. Till then I will never give up. I am saddened by the loss of AJ aka CC Banana Man. He felt that he couldn’t take living anymore, so he took his own life. I don’t think he knew that he was loved by so many people. No matter how bad life gets never give up and take your own life. I will fight the good fight till it kills me. I wake up every day and say Thank you Jesus for one more day. Today is a gift and tomorrow is never a promise. I want to encourage everyone I know who thinks they just want to quit NOT TO. Never give up hope. The light at the end of the tunnel is not always a run away train trying to run you over.

Reach out to someone, anyone. Don’t be to proud to ask for help. We all need a helping hand from time to time. AJ felt alone and thought he had nothing left. He ended the last chapter in his book of life. There are always things we wish we could have said or done. Be good to the people in your life. Take care of each other and cherish the time and the memories made as the years go by. Keep in touch with friends even if they left the state you live in. Don’t just send a text or an email. Pick up the phone and hit dial. That way they know you really do care. Almost every night my friend of 12 years calls me to see how I am doing. He doesn’t even have text messaging on his phone. He says it is too impersonal and I agree. It’s nice to hear a friends voice, even if only for a few minutes. Try it sometime. R.I.P AJ, I wish I could have helped you more. One day I will see you on the other side. I hold on because I have my entire family who loves and supports me. I have to fight for myself and fight to stay alive for them as well.

MoMo Out!

My Addiction to Food

Anyone who knows about any sort of addiction knows how it works. Food is my drug of choice. I was eight pounds and 10 ounces at birth. I am the only fat person in my immediate family. I have three brothers who are all fit and thin, then there was me the fat one. I have never know a thin day in my life. My current weight right now is about what I use to weigh at the age of eighteen. I turned to food as a child to cope with my problems. Of course the kids picked on me but I would get into a lot of fights on the play ground. I was not going to let them pick on me and kick my ass. I have always been a fighter. I have had to fight for everything that is in my life. I wouldn’t know what to do if my life wasn’t so complicated. After having Gastric Bypass surgery I was forced to deal with the truth. I no longer had food to turn to for comfort or to self sooth. My emotions were all over the place and I would cry if the wind was blowing outside. It could be anything that set me into crying fits. As soon as I was well enough post-op I put myself into therapy. I was put on Prozac and Xanax to help with depression, anxiety and insomnia. In the beginning the drugs worked really well. I was sleeping at night, I was more calm and food was the last thing on my mind. I would have to be reminded to eat and I would take forever to finish one egg. I was now well medicated and had forced control from the Gastric Bypass. No matter what or how much I wanted to eat my body would reject it. You spend many days with ass on fire and throwing up at the same time in the bathroom trash can. Those things are no fun so it stops you from making that mistake again. At least that’s the way it worked for me. If I ate something that made me sick it was off the list. I would walk around the market looking at the food and remembering what things tasted like. It was really hard to deal with all of these changes going on in my life.

In the last six years I have lost 300 pounds. I have managed to keep it off. It started getting harder and harder for me each year to stay in control of my food. Every year my pouch stretched and I could eat more food as the years go by. I still can’t finish a meal at a restaurant but I know I eat more than I should at this point in the game. I can see the finish line, I have 30 more pounds to loose. But my relationship with food is toxic and I can’t get away from food. I can’t go cold turkey and not eat, then I would have another eating disorder. In therapy I learned about food addiction and Binge Eating Disorder which is what I am dealing with. I had an amazing therapist that dealt with eating disorders. The tools and the skills are what helped me to make it this far and Prozac to keep me sane. For the first time in my life I understood why I had this problem and I learned how to keep it under control. I am 100% aware of what I am doing when I eat something I know is not on my food plan. I journal everything I eat each day and the calories should be kept to about 1500 per day. I have given up many foods since surgery. Some things I don’t even miss such as soda and fast food. It doesn’t taste good and I rather cook something fresh for myself just the way I like it. I also have total control over the calories. I have lost and gained the same 10 pounds in the last year. Some of which is fluid retention from one of my many health issues. Once I was put back on Lasix the fluid was gone. I have broken down in tears more than once in the last year. The struggle to eat the right things and not over eat. I wish I had never tried sugar after surgery. The first time I threw up right away so I avoided sugar for the first few years. In the last two years it has been a demon to me. I fight it daily and most of the time sugar wins and I loose which is also a gain of more weight. No one wins here and the war is never ending.

When I am sick I can’t eat, so of course I loose weight. I use to look forward to weeks and maybe months of not eating. It feels like I am not carrying that million pound rock on my back. I know it is sad that being sick so that I don’t over eat is ok with me. Anything to not binge eat is better than going through the mental battle. The food starts calling you. I look at the clock and see what time I last ate. I have to wait at least four hours between meals or I get sick still to this day. Does it stop me from eating things that I know will hurt me in the long run? No, it doesn’t when I am lost in that zone. Even after I eat what I think is going to be the perfect meal to make me happy that day it never is. Then the graze will begin. One piece of this and bite of that maybe some string cheese. I never know what it will be. We don’t eat processed food and we cook every meal. You would think that I would have no problem staying on track. Some days are better than others. Some days food is just something I know I need to do. On other days the war in my head is going on. The anxiety is so strong it takes over and I let it. I give in nine times out of ten. A few years ago I could stop myself with no problems. Now I go eat what ever the midnight snack will be then graze on and off till I go to sleep around 5am. There isn’t anything really bad here to eat but I make things up. I love cheese so the calories just keep adding up. I buy myself a chocolate bar and tell myself I wont eat it all tonight. I will have a little tonight and more the next night. Unless things are portioned controlled I just keep picking at it. I am tired of fighting with myself and having that feeling of self loathing when I eat something that isn’t good for me. The conversation is always the same one. I say no, my brain and my body say yes it wont hurt you. It could kill me but I eat it anyway. If there was a switch to shut off that section of my brain I would hit pause right away. Every single day I am thankful when I wake up. I promise myself that today will be better than yesterday. Some days it is some days it isn’t. I need to take back the control of this situation and get my food under control. This is the kind of stuff you need to know pre and post op. I am still in therapy and I am still a work in progress. I will fight the good fight till the very end. My hope in writing this was to let others who suffer from Binge Eating Disorder along with an addiction to food know you aren’t alone. We suffer in silence alone with our drug of choice which is Food. We are not alone and we need to reach out for some help.
MoMo Out!

The Restraining Order

On September 28, 2011 I went to the Court House and filed for a temporary restraining order. I had no idea how the process worked. They had aids that will help you fill out the paper work. After that you submit the papers and appear in Court before the Judge later that day. I told the judge that Derek Peter was threatening to kill me and my family. I showed the judge a copy of my phone records and had to play him the voice mail. The order was issued and now Derek had to be served. You take the papers to the Sheriff station which was located in the Court House. I handed them in and a week later found out that they could not serve him because I live in LA County and he lives in Orange County. I was truly afraid for my life and members of my family. He knows where my family lives, and he has met them all. My phone rang for days. If it wasn’t ringing it was a text message from Derek. I was so nervous I would jump when the phone rang. On the 27th when the nightmare began I called the Sheriff and they took a report. They told me to file the restraining order then they could do something about him calling and texting me non stop. I refused to change my number because of him. I just shut my phone off so I didn’t get his calls but that didn’t stop him from leaving voice mails. I woke up one morning to find my tire had been slashed. Below is the text message exchange between Derek and I. Let me remind you all that he was still living with Kathleen Divine as he was doing all of this and she knew about it.
------ SMS Text ------
From: 3108951731
Received: Sep 30, 2011 6:39 AM
Good mornin!
------ SMS Text ------
To: 3108951731
Sent: Sep 30, 2011 8:35 AM
Did you really waste gas money to slit my tires?
------ SMS Text ------
From: 3108951731
Received: Sep 30, 2011 8:36 AM
Nope, free!
------ SMS Text ------
To: 3108951731
Sent: Sep 30, 2011 8:39 AM
You are going to jail
------ SMS Text ------
From: 3108951731
Received: Sep 30, 2011 8:47 AM
Lol!
------ SMS Text ------
To: 3108951731
Sent: Sep 30, 2011 8:49 AM
I just called the cops
------ SMS Text ------
From: 3108951731
Received: Sep 30, 2011 8:50 AM
Ur family better stay out of my town!
------ SMS Text ------
To: 3108951731
Sent: Sep 30, 2011 8:50 AM
Are you still at the pier so they can arrest you?
------ SMS Text ------
To: 3108951731
Sent: Sep 30, 2011 8:51 AM
Oh now your afraid of my family? My mom who is sick from this stress. You are going to jail

Almost a week later the Sheriff department called me to pick up the restraining order because they couldn’t serve him in Orange county. I was forced to call Kathleen Divine and ask for some help. Kathleen told me that she asked Derek to leave and he refused to do so. I was told that when he came home from work his stuff was outside waiting for him. I was also told that he caused a scene and called the cops on Kathleen Divine for kicking him out early. He wasn’t kicked out early but the police made her pay him $200.00 for rent he said was due because she made him move out early. I was not there for any of this so I am only reporting what I was told by Kathleen. I do not know what is true or what is a lie from her anymore. The trust we once had as best friends was broken and lost as far as I was concerned. My nephews drove me down to Kathleen's place so that Ronnie aka the Crack Head was going to do the right thing and help me serve Derek. Derek still trusted Ronnie and he also wanted his pain pills that were left at Kathleen's house. The plan was made and Ronnie met Derek by the Pier in Newport Beach. I waited with my nephews at a near by restaurant till they called and said he had been served. Ronnie and Kathleen met us at the restaurant so that Ronnie could sign the paper that he had served Derek. I had to turn that into the Court house ASAP. Kathleen told Ronnie not to sign it unless I agreed to stay in OC till he violated the order so he could be arrested. Derek did just that within thirty minutes of being served. I called the Sheriff several times over the next couple of weeks. Every violation is a new case. Derek was so strung out on drugs that he thought the Detectives working the case were fake cops calling him.


On October 21, 2011 we were scheduled to go back to court. Derek didn’t show up and I went before the Judge. The Judge had to excuse herself from the case because she is friends with my parents. I was sent over to the other Court room and stood before a new Judge. I handed him a print out of all of the text messages and the CD’s with the voice mails on it. He told me to show him more proof so I was forced to play a voice mail that Derek left me and I was sick to my stomach. I was in a Court room full of complete strangers and they were listening to Derek verbally abuse and threaten me. I was granted a Restraining Order that is good for the next five years. I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t believe that any of this was happening to me. I couldn’t believe that Kathleen Divine had picked Derek over me. The only reason she helped me is because she was afraid he would hurt her as well. I told her to also file a restraining order and she refused. Derek left trash in her mail box with a receipt from the purchase of an icepick. He also left a note saying the nigger will die. Derek started a complete rampage and lost what little mind he had left. Kathleen Divine’s fourth husband Mark Lambert is in prison for threatening to kill her. She knows what I was going through and they still thought I was over reacting. How could she condone the things that Derek was doing to me? How could she condone him and Fiona Hassan having sex across the hall from her? I have no answers to either of those questions. As I was leaving the court room a woman took my hand and told me to be careful. I thanked her for that moment of kindness. There are still people out there with some compassion for others.
------ SMS Text ------
From: 3108951731
Received: Sep 28, 2011 2:31 AM
Im just gettin started on u, cunt!
------ SMS Text ------
From: 3108951731
Received: Sep 28, 2011 2:43 AM
I have been fuk4n fifi in ur bed since the day u finally left us! Kat set it all up and its nice and clean pussy! Gr8 change from ur smell ass! Yum
Yes Derek took the time to send me that text message. He also left a voice mail admitting he slashed my tire. In November Derek was arrested and sentenced to 35 days and served only 4 due to over crowding. He was stalking me on Thanksgiving. He was outside of my house and left half smoked cigarettes at the end of my driveway. I know it was him due to the brand and we don’t smoke. Each case is processed one at a time. I have been waiting for the DA to issue his next warrant for the slashed tire. They have enough evidence with the text messages and the voice mails. The DA is dragging their feet and say they are backed up. This is why women are afraid to go to the Police for domestic violence. They don’t do anything till you are dead half of the time. I can assure you that I will survive and I will not give up till he is in jail for criminal threats. The local DA now knows me by name because I call her office weekly and both Detectives working the case also know me well. The system only works if you don’t give up. Lucky for Derek I am not going to let it go and will be here till it ends. The lies go so deep I have no clue how deep into this Kathleen was involved. I only write what I know happened to me and always show you the proof to back it up. I will not quit and anyone involved with him will also go down. Derek also had all of the oil drained out of my truck so it could kill the engine. He left the evidence in my driveway. I took the truck in and it was bone dry. I did not have a leak and they confirmed it was completely empty. He is such a Douche Bag. Needless to say it but I am not one of those woman who try to work it out and say, but I love him. Fuck Derek Peter, fuck Kathleen Divine and everyone that was involved in this. My life is not a joke you stupid bitches. In therapy I was told I am suffering from PTSD due to the trauma of these events that took place. This is very real and very serious. My life will never be the same again. Give me some time to pull this knife out of my back, it hit a nerve. 


PS. I received a call today from the detective working the Vandalism case and the DA has rejected the case. You can see Derek admits it via text and he also admitted it on a voice mail. I was assured by the detective that we had enough evidence to issue a warrant. If Derek were black he would still be in jail from the first time he was arrested in November 2011. I will be calling the DA’s office again tomorrow. All I have left to say is this is total bullshit. I guess I can go slash his tire, admit it and not go to jail. Yeah right! There are still two open cases left to go and because I am black when the officer took the report he or she put down that Derek is black. Two different officers and two different reports. Don’t even try and say that was an accident. The lead detective came to my house so that I could sign a document that had a copy of Derek’s drivers license in order to verify they had the right person. It is kind of funny that I wrote this Blog a couple of days ago and get a phone call today. I guess I was suppose to share this today. Free Black Derek!



MoMo Out!

The Douchebag

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Betrayal

According to Wikipedia this is just a part of what Betrayal means: 

An act of betrayal creates a signature constellation, in both its victims and its perpetrators, of negative behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. The interactions are complex. The victims exhibit anger and confusion, and demand atonement from the perpetrator; who in turn may experience guilt or shame, and exhibit remorse. If, after the perpetrator has exhibited remorse or apologized, the victim continues to express anger, this may in turn cause the perpetrator to become defensive, and angry in turn. Forgiveness of betrayal is exhibited by the victim foregoing the demands for atonement and retribution; and is only complete where the victim does not continue to remind the perpetrator of the act, to demand apologies, or to review the incident again and again.



In 2011 there was plenty of betrayal happening to me. There was lots of back stabbing, shit talking, and lies being told. How can you ever trust someone when you feel you have been betrayed by them? I have been trying to figure it out since I started my Blog in January. Writing has been a form of therapy for me since this betrayal became a large part of my life. My best friends and my boyfriend all teamed up together and screwed me over. I can see the boyfriend being a douchebag. It is almost as if I expected the man to sleep with my best friend or something. I guess I just don’t trust men. You can’t blame me with the lies I have been told over the years.



I looked back and read a random page from my journal last May. I said that life was good with me and Derek, he loved me, was committed to our relationship. So on and so on. I have Kathleen Divine who now hates me because I wasn’t at her beck and call and I had a life of my own as well. I have Derek doing all sorts of shady shit behind my back. Everyone knows about Derek and his lies, but no one tells me. It wasn’t until a few days before we broke up I found out part of the story. As Derek is out apartment shopping for him and I, he is also telling Kathleen and Morgan that he isn’t going to really move in with me. I confronted him about this info and told him just tell me the truth. I was being pulled left and right. Derek says I love you, I want to be with you blah blah blah. Kathleen said to me “I tell you this as your best friend he just isn’t the guy for you and he isn’t moving with you. He is going to stay here with me after you leave. He works at my Lounge and he takes care of my dogs.”



Kathleen made sure he was staying by moving him into her office while I was at a doctors appointment. I don’t know about the rest of the world but if some guy lied and used my best friend he wouldn’t be moving across the hall. He would be moving the hell out of my house. I don’t think I have ever been played this badly before. I at least had the tools and the good sense to get the hell out before he killed me. In therapy I learned that lots of women stay and try to work it out. There was nothing to work out. I never go back, they are an ex for a good reason. I didn’t even cry when I broke up with him. I knew it was over but I didn’t know how deeply Kathleen was involved in the situation. She was only thinking about herself in this whole thing. Derek couldn’t afford the rent there and half of the bills…lol It was such a joke to me when Kathleen asked me to stay while she was out of town so that Derek and the Crack head didn’t rob her. Note to Kathleen Divine, look up the word trust, I know you aren't trustworthy but you should at least know the meaning. You also screwed over the one person you could have truly trusted, me.



I wonder if the loss of our friendship has even kept her awake one night? I doubt it. Maybe, when Derek went crazy and wanted to kill me. He was in her kitchen when the nightmare began. She was up till the sun rose on the phone with me and telling me he is having a manic episode. A few days later I went to court and filed for a restraining order. He was still living in her house when he told me he was going to kill me, my parents and the rest of my family. I am not sure I will ever understand what made you choose Derek over me. You picked a stranger over your best friend. I am not sure what evil thing you think I did to you to deserve this but it must be bad in your twisted mind. I guess you feel the need to always have domestic slaves and people who always owe you something. Funny how the shoe is on the other foot and you owe me thousands of dollars and you make the minimum payment possible. I guess living beyond your means has caught up to you. I told you to save money for a rainy day.



The saddest part of this entire nightmare was being betrayed by my best friend. The one person who knows all of my secrets and I know hers. The one person I could call when I was sick and needed some hope. The one person I thought would always have my back. Instead she stabbed me in it. I know in the world of Kathleen Divine she is innocent and only made a few mistakes. She called them bad judgment, but has yet to admit her betrayal of me. Why would anyone be someone's friend for over a decade then just turn on them? As I Blog I see things more clearly. I state the facts that took place in the situations. Thank you Team MoMo supporters. I am thankful for the positive remarks and emails. It has really helped me as I work through all of this. I also get my share of hate mail from Team Kitty Kat. Of course they write in and say what Kathleen tells them to say. It is so scripted it is a total joke. The blog is here to stay. As long as I am breathing I will have all kinds of things to share. One thing I can say is my life has never been boring.



MoMo Out!

Tracy’s time at the Lounge

In October of 2009 Kathleen Divine put together the Lounge Cruise. I think maybe thirty of us went. I only knew a few of the people who were in our group. Kathleen wanted to stay in the Penthouse suit. Being the diva’s that we are of course we stayed in that room. I paid for my half of the room. At the last moment Kathleen decided she had to bring Jen with us so she could deal with the people in our party and to flat iron her hair everyday. I kid you not, having a hair girl was a must when you have hair down to the bottom of your ass. That was when she was deep into the new hair thing. I made it clear that I was not paying for Jen to go on a cruise and stay in a Penthouse. I have never liked Jen and never will. It is not a secret. I told her straight to her face. The first day I met her she was a bitch and I don’t like it when people talk down to me. You have the wrong woman if you think that will fly with me.

We all had dinner at 8pm as a group. After dinner we had drinks in the ships night club. The day we arrived home from the cruise Kathleen told Jen to get out. Jen had spent most of the cruise telling people that Kathleen treated her like shit. Which was true. Jen was her domestic live in slave at that time. Jen gets kicked out, all is well and peace is back in the house. We met Tracy Melton on the cruise. Tracy was stand offish because Jen was saying all sorts of shit about me and Kathleen. People seem to think I am in some way like Kathleen because I was her friend. People didn’t take the time to even get to know me to find out for themselves. I have heard it so many times since the friendship ended. “You were here BFF so how could I tell you?” I wish some of you had said something. Maybe it wouldn’t have gone on as long as it did and still is. Besides the fact that Jen was on the cruise in my personal space I managed to have fun. When I last spoke to Kathleen she asked me if I have any happy memories left from our friendship. There was so much bad I would have to dig deep, real deep. I will let you know when something happy comes back to my memory.

Shortly after the cruise Tracy and her friends started coming to the Lounge. Kathleen offered Tracy a job working the door with Lauren. At some point Lauren had no car so Tracy would drive all the way to Kathleen's house to pick up the lounge stuff and Lauren. This went on for a really long time. Tracy was also instructed by Kathleen to show up early so that she could make sure her makeup was done to her standards. Tracy had to bring extra clothes or borrow something from me when Kathleen hated her outfit. I would always help Tracy out with clothes if she needed something. Once or twice Kathleen asked me to do Tracy’s makeup. I gave it a try but I am only good at doing my own makeup. The new rules started to happen for Tracy. Tracy was instructed by Kathleen that she couldn’t be friends with the customers. Yet several of Tracy’s friends came to the Lounge because Tracy was there. You can’t flirt with any men, but I want you to be nice to all the customers. You can’t date anyone from the Lounge. You can’t be friends outside of the Lounge with anyone just in case something happens. You have to promote on line every week. You have to get as many people as you can to come to the Lounge that you meet on line. Your FB status must always say single, in case a guy wants to come to the Lounge to meet you. The rules were what ever Kathleen wanted them to be.

Kathleen told Tracy that she would be so pretty if she just lost 100lbs. Yes my fellow fatties, the promoter of a Size Acceptance Lounge is a hater of fatties and not to mention a hypocrite. More than once Kathleen said things like this to Tracy. She would talk about her clothes, her hair, her makeup. Tracy would get bitched at if there was a cute guy and he wasn’t told to sit in Kathleen’s reserved section. Jen would make the rounds and find men for Kathleen to meet. I was told, “It’s my Lounge I get first choice and if you don’t like it stay home.” Yes my friends it was Kathleen's way or no way at all 100% of the time. Tracy worked hard and did everything with a smile. She never talked back or had an attitude. I on the other hand would go to bat for her all the time. I told Kathleen she is sweating because she is running back and forth working at your Lounge and the A/C sucks ass in there. It is hot as hell in there for people of size. Half of the time Tracy would get sent home early so that Kathleen could save money. She would make maybe $5.00 after gas and the back and forth driving out of her way. I asked Tracy why she stayed for a year and a half of hell. Tracy told me that she fell in love with the people. Once upon a time I used to love the people there too.

Once I saw what the men were about it just became a joke. Men would move from woman to woman all night long. Yes people the random BJ’s in the parking lot is true. I was leaving one night and it was happening in the car parked next to me. I had heard the rumors but had not seen it till then. Tracy’s job was to check wristbands as people came and went. Kathleen told her “You’re big and scary like security. They won’t sneak past you.” Kathleen talks about everyone behind their back. If she is in the mood to be even bitchier she will tell you in a passive aggressive way. This is what she refers to as being matter of fact. LOL really? It is called you’re a bitch syndrome and in denial about being Bi-polar. I believe it was mid March when Derek aka The Douchebag started doing security by the front door and Tracy was helping Lauren work the door. I had no idea at the time but he was telling Kathleen that Tracy wasn’t doing her job. She was texting the count as instructed and he made it seem like she was just messing around. One night the drawer was short and Kathleen demanded Tracy work for free to pay it back. I do not for one minute believe Tracy did anything wrong. She counted out before she switched over. Kathleen didn’t ever complain when the drawer was over. Which happens from time to time. Last time that I know about, the cash was over by $180.00. She was happy then but always talked shit when mistakes happened.

Shortly after the Douchebag started working at the Lounge Tracy was moved to guard the side door. Inside sitting next to the speaker is where she was put. The noise was too much so they moved her outside of the side door. Kathleen believed people were getting in the side door. You can only exit the side door and wrist bands are checked. It was just too much for Tracy at this point. She quit which is what Kathleen wanted her to do anyway. Kathleen didn’t want to fire her in case she needed backup for Lauren to get to work. Lauren got a car shortly before Tracy quit. Kathleen made it hell for Tracy. She told her she didn’t want her at the front door. What she was really saying is “I don’t want you in my Lounge so let me stick you outside by the side door”. Tracy and I are still friends and I did talk to her and ask her if she was cool with me doing a Blog on what happened to her. She said she had no issues because I was there and saw it all happen anyway. You still have your real friends Tracy and the Lounge will be gone one day. The bad memories of how you were verbally abused and criticized weekly will fade. Life is short take care of yourself and know your self worth. I am so glad you said enough. Kathleen Divine is a very abusive person and anyone who says other wise is misinformed. What’s left of the Entourage has also been verbally abused by Kathleen more than once. Yet they stay. They will one day say enough as well. No one stays as long as I did. I wanted to believe she was that cool person I met over 15 years ago. I no longer know who she is as a person. What I do know is not positive and Kathleen Divine is toxic.

MoMo out!
Mo & Tracy xoxo

Derek W. Peter arrested on a R/O violation only served four days but sentenced to thirty five. He is still stalking me and wants to kill me. Ladies watch out for him. My restraining order is good for five years. He lives in OC not far from the Lounge.

The Lounge Verses The Club

It was 1999 or 2000 when Kathleen Divine came out with her pay site Inesque.com. Kathleen Divine was a topless model on her site and did web cam shows for a fee of course. Kathleen also hired and shot photos of other web models. I owned Moniquessbbw.com and worked alone for my pay site and cam shows. I was a cover girl for Dimensions Magazine April 1996. The three of us have done our share of photo shoots, cam shows, videos etc. For some reason when Lisa got the cover of Big Butt magazine, Kathleen thought she could use it against her. I was in Big Black Butt magazine once upon a time are you going to use that against me? Who knows and who cares. Each site contained different content and we all had our own fan base. The three of our sites were different in their own way, but the end result was still a happy one.

When Kathleen Divine is pressed up against a wall she will flat out deny that her site was not adult in any way. I do believe topless is considered adult. If you have to click enter after you read the disclaimer then it is an adult site. All three sites were of an adult nature. Kathleen Divine has a huge chip on her shoulder about Lisa. Kathleen has gone to great lengths to make Lisa her enemy. If Kathleen changed her hair color she would check out the Club Bounce website to see if Lisa had a new hair color as well. Kathleen seems to think that Lisa is trying to be her and live her life. Kathleen thinks that Lisa will do anything to be her. I can tell you that I seriously doubt that Lisa changed her hair color or the length of her hair because of Kathleen. She just feels the need to out do Lisa. You can’t out do someone with goals of success and succeeding is what Club Bounce has done and been doing.

Why does Kathleen Divine have so much hate and envy for Lisa? I know the answer and I am going to tell you. Kathleen has Narcissistic personality disorder. I may not be a Doctor but I have been in therapy long enough to see the signs. I have spent many sessions discussing my former friendship with Kathleen to see if it was me or my fault in some way. It wasn't  and Kathleen is just as crazy as her Bipolar relative's. I strongly believe the reason Kathleen has so much hate inside of her is because she is truly an evil person. There isn't always good in everyone. Some people are just evil. Kathleen always says “I will for sure get into heaven for helping all of these fat people.” Kathleen also says the reason her foot has cysts and bone spurs is because of fat people stepping on her feet all the years the Lounge has been open. Yes my fellow fatties it is our fault for getting drunk and stepping on her delicate feet. Blame the fatties for any and everything. Those same fatties pay your bills, keep that in mind the next time you show off your BMW that your dating site pays for. Or as you walk around feeling entitled and that you aren't fat at all. The scale reads over 200 and with your height and weight your BMI is considered Obese. Keep it real faker just because you shop in the Juniors department for things that stretch does not make you thin.

Kathleen Divine has gone to great lengths to try and have Club Bounce shut down. Kathleen doesn't understand that Lisa built her own following. The majority of Club Bounce  goers have never even heard of the Lounge. These are Club goers not Lounge people. If you want to Lounge and have no dress code you can do that at home for free. Kathleen calls Bounce her spin off Club. I have no idea how that is even possible. Lisa never worked for Kathleen. Lisa has been to the Lounge long before she opened her own Club. I use to try and reason with Kathleen and tell her there is room for all the Size Acceptance Clubs. Kathleen thinks the Lounge should be the only place in town. If you want a fast food burger then you know that there are several choices out there. Do you think Burger King is worried about what Jack in the Box is doing? Hell No, they are working on their own marketing plan to make more money. If Kathleen was smart she would have done the same thing.

Even when bounce was closed and moving locations the Lounge did not have a larger number of people. Her numbers are the same and they aren't good. That is the entire reason Kathleen has Mommy and Daddy to help pay her bills each month when she is short. This is also why I agreed to help her when her Lounge was about to die. If you only get 103 people then business is bad. In its hay day the Lounge had 400 people on any given Saturday night. Let’s not forget when the Lounge was in Brea for a hot minute and Kathleen was doing Friday and Saturday nights. Double the fun and double the money. Kathleen has not saved one dime and blows more money than a drug addicted retired Rock star who is still trying to hold onto the fame. The Fame is long gone Ms. Divine and people see the real you. It has been almost 10 years that you have been faking the funk. You have had loads of drama over that decade. All of which you denied when people called you out publicly on Yahoo and AOL when we all use to chat on there. When My space and Facebook came along then more and more people learned the truth.

In 2010 Kathleen instructed Jen her live in domestic slave AKA her personal assistant to gather info on Lisa. There was a rumor of a reality show about Club Bounce and Kathleen was pissed off that it wasn't her. Kathleen had Jen write to True TV and email them photos of Lisa from her pay site and a copy of her Big Butt Magazine Cover. I told her I wanted nothing to do with it. She also had Jen email the OC Register about Lisa when they did a story about Club Bounce. Kathleen’s ex boyfriend was also in the paper and gave a comment about how much he loved Club Bounce. That made her blood boil. Kathleen went into evil mode. Kathleen is a complete bitch, but she feels if she has other people do her evil bidding then she is innocent. I think your days of innocence are long gone if you ever had any. If the Lounge isn't making enough money then get a real job so you can pay me back the thousands of dollars you owe me. Last month Kathleen paid $79.00 on a bill that is over $4000.00. I think she is waiting for me to die from any one of my illnesses so she won’t have to pay her bill. I almost forgot the Bomb threat she had someone call in. She called the LB PD more than once making shit up. Kathleen tried the drug dealer in the club approach, that didn't work. Kathleen called the hotel and spoke to the manager making shit up about Club Bounce. At one point Kathleen said Lisa had a hit out on her, LMAO really Kathleen?

The one person Kathleen would never challenge is Shadoe, owner of Club Curves. I have known Lisa and Shadoe for at least 15 years. I told Kathleen once, “Don’t fuck with Shadoe, she may be white on the outside but she will cut you like a sista.” Since then she turned her focus onto Lisa and now me. Kathleen is having her people write me hate mail. The things they are saying to me no one else knows. Nice try Kathleen, but I am not afraid of you or anyone else. I have died three times already. There is nothing you can say or do to me that will scare me or make me stop writing my Blog. I could go on and on but we will save it for another Blog on another day. If I was Lisa I would become a member of the “Slap a Hoe tribe”, so I could slap the blonde out of Kathleen’s hair. Yes I said HO with an E. Lisa has never once went public against Kathleen even though she was being stalked by Ms. Divine. I just did it for you Lisa. The truth and nothing but the truth here on my Blog.


MoMo out!
Drunk after the Lounge.

 Click on the link in my Blog for more details about this condition. All of the info below apply to Kathleen Divine.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder in which the individual is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity. First formulated in 1968, it was historically called megalomania, and it is closely linked to egocentrism.
Symptoms of this disorder include, but are not limited to:

• Reacts to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
• May take advantage of others to reach their own goal
• Tends to exaggerate their own importance, achievements, and talents
• Imagines unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
• Requires constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
• Easily becomes jealous
• Lacks empathy and disregards the feelings of others
• Obsessed with oneself
• Mainly pursues selfish goals
• Trouble keeping healthy relationships
• Is easily hurt and rejected
• Sets unrealistic goals
• Wants "the best" of everything
• Appears as tough-minded or unemotional