An act of betrayal creates a signature constellation, in both its victims and its perpetrators, of negative behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. The interactions are complex. The victims exhibit anger and confusion, and demand atonement from the perpetrator; who in turn may experience guilt or shame, and exhibit remorse. If, after the perpetrator has exhibited remorse or apologized, the victim continues to express anger, this may in turn cause the perpetrator to become defensive, and angry in turn. Forgiveness of betrayal is exhibited by the victim foregoing the demands for atonement and retribution; and is only complete where the victim does not continue to remind the perpetrator of the act, to demand apologies, or to review the incident again and again.
In 2011 there was plenty of betrayal happening to me. There was lots of back stabbing, shit talking, and lies being told. How can you ever trust someone when you feel you have been betrayed by them? I have been trying to figure it out since I started my Blog in January. Writing has been a form of therapy for me since this betrayal became a large part of my life. My best friends and my boyfriend all teamed up together and screwed me over. I can see the boyfriend being a douchebag. It is almost as if I expected the man to sleep with my best friend or something. I guess I just don’t trust men. You can’t blame me with the lies I have been told over the years.
I looked back and read a random page from my journal last May. I said that life was good with me and Derek, he loved me, was committed to our relationship. So on and so on. I have Kathleen Divine who now hates me because I wasn’t at her beck and call and I had a life of my own as well. I have Derek doing all sorts of shady shit behind my back. Everyone knows about Derek and his lies, but no one tells me. It wasn’t until a few days before we broke up I found out part of the story. As Derek is out apartment shopping for him and I, he is also telling Kathleen and Morgan that he isn’t going to really move in with me. I confronted him about this info and told him just tell me the truth. I was being pulled left and right. Derek says I love you, I want to be with you blah blah blah. Kathleen said to me “I tell you this as your best friend he just isn’t the guy for you and he isn’t moving with you. He is going to stay here with me after you leave. He works at my Lounge and he takes care of my dogs.”
Kathleen made sure he was staying by moving him into her office while I was at a doctors appointment. I don’t know about the rest of the world but if some guy lied and used my best friend he wouldn’t be moving across the hall. He would be moving the hell out of my house. I don’t think I have ever been played this badly before. I at least had the tools and the good sense to get the hell out before he killed me. In therapy I learned that lots of women stay and try to work it out. There was nothing to work out. I never go back, they are an ex for a good reason. I didn’t even cry when I broke up with him. I knew it was over but I didn’t know how deeply Kathleen was involved in the situation. She was only thinking about herself in this whole thing. Derek couldn’t afford the rent there and half of the bills…lol It was such a joke to me when Kathleen asked me to stay while she was out of town so that Derek and the Crack head didn’t rob her. Note to Kathleen Divine, look up the word trust, I know you aren't trustworthy but you should at least know the meaning. You also screwed over the one person you could have truly trusted, me.
I wonder if the loss of our friendship has even kept her awake one night? I doubt it. Maybe, when Derek went crazy and wanted to kill me. He was in her kitchen when the nightmare began. She was up till the sun rose on the phone with me and telling me he is having a manic episode. A few days later I went to court and filed for a restraining order. He was still living in her house when he told me he was going to kill me, my parents and the rest of my family. I am not sure I will ever understand what made you choose Derek over me. You picked a stranger over your best friend. I am not sure what evil thing you think I did to you to deserve this but it must be bad in your twisted mind. I guess you feel the need to always have domestic slaves and people who always owe you something. Funny how the shoe is on the other foot and you owe me thousands of dollars and you make the minimum payment possible. I guess living beyond your means has caught up to you. I told you to save money for a rainy day.
The saddest part of this entire nightmare was being betrayed by my best friend. The one person who knows all of my secrets and I know hers. The one person I could call when I was sick and needed some hope. The one person I thought would always have my back. Instead she stabbed me in it. I know in the world of Kathleen Divine she is innocent and only made a few mistakes. She called them bad judgment, but has yet to admit her betrayal of me. Why would anyone be someone's friend for over a decade then just turn on them? As I Blog I see things more clearly. I state the facts that took place in the situations. Thank you Team MoMo supporters. I am thankful for the positive remarks and emails. It has really helped me as I work through all of this. I also get my share of hate mail from Team Kitty Kat. Of course they write in and say what Kathleen tells them to say. It is so scripted it is a total joke. The blog is here to stay. As long as I am breathing I will have all kinds of things to share. One thing I can say is my life has never been boring.
MoMo Out!
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