There Is Pain Yet No Gain? Really!!

What would life be like without pain? As a child any little thing that I was afraid of was a form of pain. Fear causes more pain than people realize. Are you so afraid of pain that you would never love again? In my case I would have to ask myself, have I really ever been that deeply in love? I am not sure, since the love of my life died when I was only 23 from Cancer. I have had the pain of loss when he died and two other men in my life died. Does that make me a black widow? You decide. Is the pain of past loves so deep I may never trust again? Yes. I can’t be sure if I have ever given any man 100% of my heart or trust. In the back of my mind I am always waiting for them to lie, cheat, steal, sleep with my friend. Who the hell knows, my mind can run wild. I have met some crazy men throughout my adult life. I have been told some of the most entertaining lies by men.

People have asked me what it was like being married. It was full of heartache and pain. Marriage was completely over rated IMO. I know as a young woman we all dream about getting married, having kids, the house, the dog and the white picket fence. I never had those dreams. I remember one day in elementary school they asked what I wanted to be when I grow up. I said I wanted to be the CEO of my own company and build an empire. I was nine and always had some sort of job. Baby sitting, a lemon aid stand, selling jolly rancher sticks at school for 25 cents even though I only paid 10 cents. My mind has always worked that way. I understand men more than they understand themselves at times. I think like a man in many ways. I understand their bullshit. I understand why they tell the lies. I understand why they cheat. Do I think any of that is cool? Hell No!!! I just call them on their bullshit as it happens then we are done. Why waste time on a relationship that is a dead end. Get out, run as fast as you can. Life is way to short.

There has to be consequences for their actions. If you let a man treat you like a door mat then he will surely walk all over you. Some women have no self worth at all like FiFi who slept with my ex one week after we broke up. One day I was just fed up with the lies and the bullshit and I said no more. I'd rather be single than deal with the drama. I currently have a restraining order that is good for the next five years because my last boyfriend wants to kill me. Men can snap on a dime, but never fuck with MoMo. I have no idea why he thought he could lie, cheat, steal and use me and I would say it’s cool baby just use me. Some people seem to believe that I over reacted. I would have to beg to differ. My life is very important and the lives of my family members. If you call and leave me messages saying I am going to kill you and take the time to text me and email the threats, I am going to protect myself. It is a lot of hard work to get the police to help you, but I never quit. He received 35 days on the first violation but only spent 4 days in jail. I would have to say if he was black he would still be in jail. On two of the reports they just assumed he was Black just because I am. Now some poor guy named Black Derek will get arrested and get 7-10 years instead of white Derek. Free black Derek!!

Never in my life will I let a man cause me any more pain. Over the years there has been plenty of pain. I am not one of those women that will say, but I love him. I would be the one to say Fuck him put him in the cell with someone bigger than him so he can become his bitch. That would be kind of hard though since Derek is 6’6”. He has height but those buff guys in jail could take him lol. I am done with the pain. I want it gone and out of my life. I want love and light for myself. However long I have left on this earth, I will forever speak out about all of the abuse from Derek Peter. My former BFF told me not to put anything about it on the internet. Did I listen? Hell No!! More women need to tell, the silence is how we end up dead. Know your own self worth and ditch the wrong men. I walked away and didn’t look back, maybe that’s why he snapped. Who knows but I will be happy when he is in jail for good. Maybe then I can sleep at night. One thing I know for sure is love shouldn’t hurt. The video is just a sample of tons of insane voice mails he has left me. This from a man who said he loved me, Liar! Does anyone still think I over reacted? If you're wondering where I met him you can see from the photo. 

MoMo Out!

Warning this clip is graphic and verbally violent.