Life in The World of MoMo BBW Brown: My Weight Loss Surgery Journey Part 2

The spring of 2007 was one milestone after another happening to me. Being able to reclaim my life was a feeling of freedom I can’t describe. May of 2007 I began another water aerobics class that went through the summer. The weight loss kept happening and I was still learning who I was and what I looked like. When I saw myself in the mirror I didn’t really see much change. But when I saw a photo of myself I could see the changes.

June, July, and August of 2007 I had a few ups and downs with food. As I was able to eat more the battle of will began between me and food. I decided to stay in therapy but then life happened and I wasn’t able to continue for a few months.

I still don’t eat fast food or drink soda. The carbonation in soda can and will stretch out your pouch. Plus when the carbonation hits your stomach it can make you double over from the pain. I rather cook at home than eat out. I seem to get sick when ever I eat at a restaurant. Dairy such as milk and ice cream are not tolerated. I can cook with milk and have no issues, but can’t drink milk or eat ice cream even if it is sugar free ice cream. I learned all of this the hard way. There is no way around it as you introduce your stomach to new foods. It’s like being a baby all over again. Trying to find foods that are good for me and that I am not allergic too is a challenge. I have several food allergies so it limits many of the fresh fruits I can eat. Anything with a pit or seed I am allergic too. I am also allergic to peanuts, which would be a healthy protein source if I could eat it.

There are times when I don’t even think about food at all and some days where I feel like I can graze all day long. I am thankful that I am not able to eat as much as I want to. Forced portion control is what I needed to get this far. If I over eat I get sick. It will make you think long and hard before you eat something. Is it worth the pain and suffering for a bite of a cheese burger and fries? My mind seems to try and control my food. So the daily battle with food marches on. I make far better food choices than I ever have in my life. I think about everything I put in my mouth before I eat it. The surgery forces you to make choices. It is up to each person what that choice will be. Will I hit the drive thru or will I cook at home? I vote for home, at least there I can control the content, quality, calories, everything. Choices are a key and at home you know what works for you.

I made it through the holidays in 2007 without gaining any weight. There have been some ups and down with my weight by 3-5 pounds. But it is just water weight. I am dealing with the repercussions of once being almost 600 pounds. My knees are now bone on bone and will need to be replaced. I am too young for the knee replacement surgery and I am not done loosing. My other choice was a series of steroid shots in each knee to help with the pain of walking with knees that are bone on bone. There is of course lots of extra skin on my belly, thighs, hips and my arms. For the most part my body has adjusted step by step to the weight loss and what little elasticity was left my skin held it together as much a possible. Be prepared for things to sag, droop, roll onto another roll, shift into places you had no clue were there. By no means is my body perfect but I am learning to love it and the new me as I transform.

March 2008 was very stressful. I wasn’t feeling well on a drive home with my boyfriend at the time. I thought the nausea was because I hadn’t eaten in many hours. Then I thought I was getting car sick so I asked him to pull over and I threw up. It was dark and we were in the middle of no where taking a freeway that was a back road up to my parents place. I started coughing up blood and there was no hospital near us. He was driving way over the speed limit to get me to a hospital. We were about forty five minutes away from the nearest hospital. We pulled into the parking lot and I began to vomit large amounts of blood. Needless to say I was scared. The ER Doctor told me that I was bleeding internally and needed to have emergency surgery. The Doctor also told me that he would do his best to stop the bleeding, but he wouldn’t know how bad it was until he got in there. Yet again another surgery for me!!! It turned out to be a bleeding ulcer which the Doctor was able to repair. I was just thankful I didn’t have to be awake as I was being scoped. Bleeding Ulcers can also be a side affect caused by steroids. At that time I was in the middle of getting a course of shots of steroids in my knees. If you have Gastric Bypass Surgery and take any anti-inflammatory drugs you run the risk of bleeding ulcers. That includes over the counter drugs like Advil, Aspirin or Motrin. Tylenol is about the only over the counter choice after weight loss surgery.

April 2008 I am still loosing but it has slowed down. I now only get on the scale once a week to make sure I haven’t gained any weight. At this point it is still coming off but not as fast. I was depressed because of the health issues so I broke down and had chicken nuggets and a small French fries. I can’t tell you how shity I felt as I was eating it. Half way through eating them I started to get very nauseous. Then the dumping started and I had to throw up. That was the first time that I had eaten fast food in two years. I felt for a moment that I had let myself down. I hate the fight that I have with myself every day to keep my food addiction under control. The next day I got back on track and kept my mind in better spirits.

May 2008 I died three times in one week. Yes I said three times. I went into what they called Ventricular Tacky Cardiac aka V-Tack. At first the Doctors had no clue what was wrong and they sent me home. Later that week my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and I passed out then ended up on the floor. We were spending the weekend at my parents place. I could hear my mom calling 911. My dad was trying to get me up off the floor because my foot was trapped under the dresser which weighs a ton. I could hear everything around me but couldn’t respond. I was dripping with sweat just like you see in the movies. The paramedics took me to the hospital and I was there for hours. The Doctors ran so many tests. I even had an MRI. Still they didn’t know what was wrong with me. The Doctor came in and said I think you just had a severe case of Dumping Syndrome. I informed the Doctor I am two years out I know what dumping feels like and this isn’t it. They were about to send me home and I passed out again. Since I had just returned from having the MRI I wasn’t hooked up to the heart monitor. Thank God there was a nurse in the room who saw that I was going into convulsions. The next thing I know lots of people are running into the room. I could hear them but I couldn’t respond. They hooked up the heart monitor then put the paddles on me. I heard the Doctor Say “charge to one hundred”. What I felt next sounded like a sonic boom to me. I hope none of you ever have to be shocked back to life. It hurts like hell for the record. Later that day I had a Pace Maker / Defibrillator implanted. The surgery went well and I was taken to CCU that night after surgery. During the night I was shocked two times by my new remote control, woo hoo for me we now know it works.

All I can say is my poor boyfriend. He went to hell and back with me. Even though we are no longer together he gave it all he had to give while he was here with me. In June 2008 he moved back to Europe. It isn’t easy when your girlfriend dies on you. It took a bit of time to recover. July was a tough month. I was in a ton of pain. I can’t take any anti-inflammatory drugs so I end up just suffering from the pain. I was in Vegas working at the bash. By the end of the week I couldn’t move my hands and could hardly walk. No one knew how much pain I was in each day at the bash and the vendor fair. At the time I was just doing too much too soon.

In August they discovered the top lead of my Pace Maker was disconnected. So I had surgery to reconnect it. After the surgery I had a major flare up. I was told the screw was too tight and had punctured my heart sack. I was back to square one. I couldn’t walk, eat, lie down or barely sit up in bed. It was also hard to breath. I spent a week in the hospital. They yet again had no clue what was wrong. I couldn’t even yawn without having major chest pain when I would inhale. One of my doctors ran some more tests and discovered I have Systemic Lupus. My mom has it and one of my aunts died from it. There is no cure but it can go into remission. For those of you who don’t know Lupus is an autoimmune disease so the body attacks itself and the vital organs. All the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. Now my Doctors knew why I had all of these other conditions. The treatment for Lupus is anti-inflammatory drugs which we know I can’t take. Yay for me, what now?

I spent all of August and September 2008 recovering. My best friend was out of the country for about six weeks while all of this was happening. She called me and kept saying to me “Stay alive I am on my way home.” I think the support from my family and friends helped me fight to recover. In October 2008 I started to feel much better. I started doing some walking as exercise. I told myself I wouldn’t let all of these obstacles beat me down. No matter what I was going to keep moving and power through all the pain. I refuse to give up even though there are days that I just want to eat what ever I want. I lost 30 pounds between August and October 2008. November and December 2008 were very stressful, because my moms Lupus became active again. She was in the hospital for over a month and we almost lost her. All I wanted for Christmas was my mom to be able to come home and be with all of us. My dad, my brothers and I took shifts at the hospital so that mom wasn’t alone. I held it together and still found time to cook the holiday meals for the entire family. My mom made it home on Christmas Eve. I can’t tell you how happy I was. I broke down in tears after my brother said grace for Christmas dinner. Even with all the stress I managed to keep my eating on track. In the past I would have eaten any and everything to help me cope with the stress. I would have hit the drive thru or stuffed myself with anything that I felt would comfort me. I would only be hurting myself if I did that so I stayed focused.

In 2008 I had a lot of things on my plate…lol and that doesn’t include any food. I am so glad to still be alive that I have a new outlook on life. You never know how much time you have. Life is too short to be unhappy. I have decided to start living my life to the fullest. I want to enjoy every day that I have left. Nothing tastes as good as waking up everyday. I am now down to 324 pounds. My goal was to get down to 300 pounds. It is kind of fitting that March 24, 2009 is the three year anniversary of my Gastric Bypass Surgery I am at 324 pounds. I am happy with my results and have done the best I can. In my life doing the best I can is all I have to give right now. Last month I got a new Tattoo and the scroll on it says “Too Tough to Die.” I felt that was fitting after everything that has happened to me thus far. In three years I have gone from 588 pounds to 324 pounds.

For those of you who want to know more about Lupus here is a link to a bit of info.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systemic_lupus_erythematosus

The story isn’t even close to over. Wait till I tell you read about the rest of 2009, 2010 and 2011. I have kept a Journal the entire time I have been living this new life. It has not been easy in any way, shape, or form. My Family has been there for me unconditionally. There is no way in the world I could have made it this far without their love, prayers and support. I am still a work in progress and my story will continue with 2010 and 2011 soon. This is where the battle between me, the food police, food addiction, and binge eating disorder go head to head. One thing I have learned from this entire experience is weight loss surgery is not a quick fix. The process takes years to complete and you have to be willing to make that investment in yourself because you believe you are worth it.

One Love

Monique

June 2007