My Stalker is Back

Let’s have a brief recap shall we. September 2011 my ex Derek Peter who I left in July of 2011 decides to start harassing, stalking and threatening to kill me and my family. He sent emails, text messages, left voice mails, slashed my tires, drained all of the oil out of my truck, tried to run me off the freeway, verbally and emotionally abused me. I filed a restraining order, had him served and he didn’t show up for court so I was granted a permanent restraining order good for the next 5 years. I have had way to many sleepless nights over the last year to count. Derek has been in and out of jail over the last year. Some of it was for violating the restraining order the rest was his own drug issues. He is Bi-polar and not on his meds. He is addicted to anything he can snort or smoke. He was medicated, had a job, car, place to live etc. Seemed normal then one day he flipped out and I left the next day. My life was in danger and I knew it. I was backed into the kitchen counter with a butcher block full of knives. Due to the fact that he is 6’6” he could have easily reached for a knife and stabbed me before I knew it happened. In one of his many hate filled voice mails he said and I quote “I am going to gut you like a fish.” He loves to fish and had a knife collection. The system failed me in every way. He served hardly any time for all of the torture he put me through and all of the criminal threats. If Derek was a black man he would have received the seven to ten year sentence that a criminal threats case carried. Instead he was sentenced to ninety days with three years probation. His criminal past is public record on the Superior Court site.

Tuesday December 18, 2012 at 11:15am my alarm goes off. Time to get up and get ready to head out. The house phone rings around 11:30am. My Mom answers the phone and a man asked if my Dad was home. She asked who was calling and he told said an old Army buddy. My Dad takes the call because he helps out Veterans all of the time. The man asked if I still lived here, if I moved out, is the address still the same? My Dad can’t get the guy to tell him who he is so he hangs up on him. The caller ID said the Hilton, Costa Mesa. My Mom calls back the hotel and asks for Derek Peter, after a brief hold she was connected to his room. How did he just get out of jail and is now living in the Hilton? Last Friday I got a call from a friend that said they ran into him at the Social Services office. We called the Sheriff right after the second call from the douchebag. He called my Dad over and over for God knows how man hours today. He recorded all of the calls and played it for the Sheriff when they arrived at our home 4 hours after being called. I guess if it was a bloody crime scene they would have been here sooner. Now Derek Peter is stalking my Dad. Stalking a Vietnam Veteran who was blown up in the war, woke up in a body bag because they said he was dead is NOT and I repeat Not a good idea. Did I mention he also has PTSD from the war. Derek is barking up the wrong tree. The Sheriff took the report and now we wait for the bullshit with the Detective the case will be assigned to and the DA from hell out here who doesn’t seem to think domestic violence cases are a priority. They will also pull the county line bullshit. I live in LA County he is in Orange County so who should arrest him is a game the Sheriff and the OCPD like to play.

Derek told my Dad to meet him on our porch at 4pm because there will be blood. My parents are retired and not in the best of health. My mom and I both have Lupus and my Dad suffers from war wounds till this day. I can’t and I wont go through what I lived through since last year. I am stronger than when it started. I know Derek is one mentally deranged and unstable person. The alarm system is set, I live across the street from a Police officer, I asked Santa for a 9mm for Christmas. Both my parents are trained how to shoot their guns. My Mom may be small but her 9mm can speak for her if he broke into our house. I am not going to let the anxiety consume me. I am going to watch my back as I have done everyday since this nightmare began. I will be damned if I let this douchebag hurt me or my family ever again. Fuck you Derek Peter, you aren’t going to mess up my holiday and my new year. I have a zero bullshit policy and it still stands. Why hasn’t Derek had an over dose or been shanked in the shower while in jail? Why do evil people get to be evil and not pay for their crimes? If I was stalking him I bet they would have me in that orange jump suit faster than I can say wait. I am tired but I will never give up, quit or be silent about this. Be on alert ladies he is back in Costa Mesa CA. He likes the pool hall on 19th street, don’t be shocked if she shows up at the Lounge one night soon. Maybe he can get his old job back as security :/

MoMo Out!

 

The Beginning of the End

In November I had my day in court with my former friend. After three hours with the mediator we reached an agreement. I didn’t get everything I asked for but who ever does. Our one armed “former friend” in my case paid the bill for her. After court we went to the bank and he gave me a cashiers check. I mailed it that very same day. I was asked more than once if I wanted the check made payable to me. I went to court to get the money owed to the bank in my name. I am so happy one of the boulders is off of my shoulders. One step left and it is over forever. I always use to say forever is as long as it lasts. We had our forever and it ended with me having a knife in my back. My divorce was much easier than this situation.

I have learned that you never really know anyone. That was proven to me by a person that I thought would be a life long friend. I have learned to never loan my name, credit or money to anyone ever again. I will always remember how easy going it was at first, then it went to hell on a bobsled. The person that use to be my BFF is gone now. I was sitting in a room with someone that felt like a total stranger even though we have known one another for over a decade. I didn’t believe anything she said to me. I didn’t really care to make small talk. I just wanted to get the entire thing over with. I will never forgive her for the things she did to me. I will however as time passes try and forget how my best friend fucked me over on so many levels. Quotes of that day: It’s only money right? I will earn more right? I helped you when we were friends. I gave you anything you wanted. You broke my couch so you should pay for part of it. That was when the mediator said break time and stay focused. I was focused from the moment I walked in the door.

In 2013 this will all be a bad dream. The bad memories will fade away. The new memories with my true friends who had my back during all of this drama will make me forget the bad stuff. I am happy that it is at the very end. I am sure they will still stalk my pages and my Blog to see what I say next. Just remember freedom of speech is my constitutional right. I lived this hell on earth for a very long time. I am thankful that I am at a peaceful place. I am thankful for all that I have been blessed with. Time heals all wounds. Derek Peter is in jail. Maybe this time they will keep him or he will drop the soap in the shower. I truly hope that everyone I know has a wonderful New Year. I am sure it will be a much better year.

MoMo Out!

 

P.S.

Completely random event happened yesterday. A customer comes to our pop up store at the Farmers Market. She starts asking about the clothing. Then asked me if I go to BBW Clubs. I told her I go to Bounce and Curves. Out of the blue she told me that she is a fan of my Blog. I said, ok so you know who I am. She said yes and she said that she had a really bad experience at the Lounge in OC. I started to laugh and so did she. I was told that the promoter was yelling at the photographer to stop taking photos of her, because she was better looking than the said promoter. Her and her friends drove two hours to be treated like shit. Her words not mine. My favorite line of the conversation was and I quote “I think she is just jealous of me because I am better looking than her.” Random person with a not so random experience. People I stand by my Blog. My point has been made now let’s move on.

Support local vendors in the BBW Community: www.biggirlgear.com

 

 

Thanksgiving and being Thankful

Every holiday I spend it with my entire family. My entire life has always been about my family. I am thankful for so many things that I had to share some of them. Last year at this very time I was in the middle of being stalked by my ex. He was arrested the day after Thanksgiving last year. I just found out he is in jail again for 90 days and then is on some sort of 18 month program. He will fail the drug tests and I hope he spends a longer time in jail next year. I am very thankful that the Derek Peter part of my life is almost closed. I am thankful that I sued and was able to reach a settlement with my former BFF. That chapter of my life is now closed. Gone for good and I will never look back. People keep asking if we would ever makeup and be friends again. I have to be honest and say No chance in hell. The trust is gone so the friendship is gone. I was hurting for so long about the loss, but now I have moved on. I am thankful that 2013 is almost here. The last year and a half of my life has been a real nightmare. I am so thankful that I am still alive and I fight everyday through the pain and illness to stay that way.

I am thankful for: my family, friends, food in my fridge, a roof over my head, the end of very painful relationships, love, happiness, what’s left of my health, being able to walk even though most days I can hardly stand up. I always have hope and I will never quit fighting to be here on this earth. I am thankful for the blessings I have received in my life. I love that I have made so much progress on my dreams. I am about to close the book on so many things that were 2011 and 2012 events. My heart is now full of hope & love again. In 2013 I will put myself back on the market and maybe meet someone special. I won’t hold my breath on Mr. Right but maybe Mr. Right now will do till I am truly ready to attempt to trust another man. Team MoMo has been there for me. They believed in me and had my back. Thank you, Kristie, Jessica, Emmy, Tracy, Indigo, Becca and everyone else who has stood by me throughout everything that has happened. Those of you that were forced to choose a side and had the balls to say no I won’t choose, I applauded you for standing up to my former friend. This person will now remain nameless. I will no longer give away any of my energy to this person. I want to put out positive energy in order to get it back. Pay it forward as much as we can is how life should be. It can be something as simple as the man who held the door open for me to exit and I held the door open for an elderly woman with her walker as I was leaving. A nice young man  came along and took over holding the door so I could leave and she could enter at the same time. It was paid forward by all four of us. The little things in life like that count and contribute to the bigger life picture. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Thank you all who keep reading my Blog. Don’t worry about any changes there will always be something going on in my life and the community that I will write about it.

One Love

MoMo Out!

Just a peek at what I make for the holiday. Now I am off to get cooking. Tomorrow is the big Turkey day and my family is always hungry for my cooking. These are a few of last years photos.

Mac & Cheese from scratch.

 

Candied Yams

The Bird all carved up and ready to serve

EL Pato Pork

The Wall of Veterans

My Father served in the United States Army and was in the Vietnam War during the 60ies. Throughout my entire life the war has had some sort of affect on him and our family. It is not just the solider who suffers, but the families of the soldiers suffer right along with them. The war did things to my father that I didn’t know about till I was an adult. My father was in an explosion during the war. They thought he was dead so they body bagged him. I am not sure how long he was in the morgue before he woke up inside of the body bag. My dad doesn’t like to talk about the war. He will share stories about how life was for him while in Vietnam and the other places he had traveled to. He does not talk about the killing, death and the loss of fellow soldiers or the locals killed during the war. He does suffer from PTSD and has received help for it. Once he started those classes his whole life changed and so did ours. Veterans need our love, help, support and anything else we can give to them. My dad declined to go see the Wall with me tonight. He said he wasn’t in the right frame of mind. The memories he has I am sure are very personal. I told my dad I understood and I went with my niece. It was a moving moment to see the Wall, touch it and see all of those names. This was the part of the wall that travels. The rest of it is in Washington DC if anyone ever wants to see it. My father served and fought for our country. Once he got home it took him decades to fight for what he was entitled to from the VA. He is a 100% disabled Veteran and deserves all that goes along with it. He has suffered with his injuries from the war. He has had too many surgeries to count in an attempt to repair the damage done to his body due to the war. I am sure the exposure to Agent Orange he endured during the war has played a roll in how I turned out. It could explain why I was born with a heart murmur and how that turned into so many other medical conditions. I am sure one day that will all come out. It really isn’t about compensation to the Veterans, it is about honor and respect. I thank you Daddy for fighting in a war that should have never of happened. No one wins a war they all suffer from loss in the end. A few months ago a total stranger walked up to my dad, shook his hand and said thank you for your service. He noticed his Vietnam Veteran hat with all of his special pins. It was touching to witness the respect from one solder to another. He was young and about to be deployed onto his second tour to Iraq. The last decade of war has just created another generation that will grow up like I did. Maybe this time the help will be there as soon as they get home. I respect what the men and women in our military do for us. Freedom isn’t free and they pay the highest price so we can sleep at night. Thank you to all of the Veterans out there.
MoMo Out!

		The Wall VIEW SLIDE SHOW DOWNLOAD ALL

Change: It Happens

In the last year I have experienced many major life changes. I was a victim of domestic violence and people told me not to tell. Don’t ask don’t tell is bullshit. Not telling someone is how you end up dead. I have learned the hard way that the law can’t do much for you even with a restraining order. I filed a police report every time Derek violated the restraining order. I stood in front of a Judge, an open court room full of people and played a voice mail where Derek threatens to kill me. As I left the court room a woman took my hand and told me to stay safe. I was touched by the kindness of a complete stranger. Maybe she was there for the same reason? No matter what it was, it touched me. I knew I was not alone and I had to tell others what happened to me. I still have nightmares about Derek trying to kill me. I wake up in tears sometimes because the dreams feel so real. I truly have lost hope in the justice system. I followed the rules and he got three years probation for torturing me and threatening my family.

The friends in my life now have been here long before Kathleen Divine was around. When my entire world fell apart last year they helped me pick up all of the pieces. As the time passes so does my anger. I am still very hurt and I have no idea how long it will take for those feelings to change. I never want to see Derek Peter again. I stay as far away as I can from Orange County. It is full of bad memories. Yet Derek still finds the time to attempt murder by running me off the road, slash my tires, drain the oil out of my car, threaten and stalk me. The torture in the last year has been unbearable. I even went as far as asking my therapist if it was my fault. I knew it wasn’t, but I needed some sort of verification to help me get past it. One day he loved me. The next day he was cheating on me. The day after that Kathleen Divine handled our breakup by moving Derek into her office across the hall from me. I know right about now if you are new to my Blog you are saying this cant be true. It really is sad that it is all true. I am still sad it all came to this insanity. My life is a Lifetime Movie of the week.

Kathleen Divine asked me to remember the good times we use to have. The betrayal runs so deep I cant remember much before it. Then when Derek turned on Kathleen she ran to me for help. My only suggestions were get a restraining order and an alarm system. Oh and next time don’t live with your best friends ex. The worst part of the last year was the loss of my best friend. Kathleen Divine use to be a part of my family. My mom was her black mama, and I loved her family like they were my own. After all of the years we spent as friends never in a million years did I think our friendship would ever end. I found a card the other day that arrived with flowers from Kathleen two years ago when I was sick. That was my friend who wrote that card and sent those flowers. I miss her at times but then the bad memories take over. I don’t know this evil diva. This has all been like a bad divorce. There was money, bills, property to split which I still don’t have and now the law suit I filed against Kathleen Divine is coming up. I refuse to be mistreated ever again.

If I can help someone with my stories then my life shall not be in vain. I have grown and learned from this experience. I still don’t trust men, but I am not sure if I ever have. I have had the support of my entire family through all of this. My parents have been my rocks. They will forever be solid in my life. I am blessed, thankful, loved and relieved that I am getting closer to closure. I was happy to celebrate my birthday this year. I am another year older and wiser. The next year of my life will be better, because I am making it better. My life, my rules, my stories and you can’t change the facts. I guess if it had gone any other way I might not have rediscovered my love of writing. Maybe one day I will write a book about my crazy life. Thank you all for reading, even the haters.

MoMo out!
  

Sex, Lies & Cheating

How many times do you have to fall in love and have your heart broken before you find “the one” that will cherish and protect your heart? I have no idea, I gave up on that a long time ago. No matter what advice or rule book you have read in the past you never know what peoples intensions are. Their actions must speak louder than any sweet talk he or she might throw your way. It is ok to say no. Never settle for the second best because he or she told you that’s all you can get. People don’t know very much these days about personal interaction. I think that people have become socially retarded due to media and technology. We have become disconnected from one another. People break up via email, text message, Facebook and even Twitter. Why do people think that kind of behavior is ok? Because you put up with it. If you learn to say hell no and stop putting up with crap from not so nice people you could have a chance at happiness with the right person.

How many men and women stay after they find out their partner has cheated on them? From things I have learned in therapy most women stay with a cheating partner. When the woman cheats the men almost always leave. I have been lied to and cheated on more than once. I have never gone back to any of them. I am very serious with my number one rule. You cheat on me it is OVER. No need to explain, no need to bother lying, no need to ever talk again. When it is over for me it is over. I have no need to try and forget he cheated on me. Not only is it a fucked up thing to do but you are also putting your partners life in danger. Something I don’t think people think about in the heat of the affair.

True story,the moment I think I might give a guy a chance he does something like want to sleep with me and ask for my friends number. Then when confronted, he bold face lies about it. I had to think for one second and my gut said he just lied to you. As I process the information that was just given to me, I hung up the phone and was not in shock at all. I have become jaded to the point where I expect a man to do something shady like that. I asked if it was true, he lied, I left. End of that story. I didn’t want to listen to his bullshit anymore. I just tuned him out as he was lying to me. It is so sad when men go to such lengths to try and sleep with you then they try and sleep with your friend. I am really glad it happened with a friend that I can trust and had no doubt that she said hell no.

Kathleen Divine would have fucked him and said “sorry Mo but he was really into me not you”. Kathleen Divine wouldn’t even think twice about it. I can’t tell you how many times I was told that a guy I was talking to was flirting with her just moments before. You have to be so insecure to even feel the need to try that move. We all know from past Blogs I have written that Kathleen Divine is very insecure, narcissistic, condescending and a washed up ageing Diva who now lives in a Senior Mobile Home Park next door to her parents. I guess business isn’t as good as it use to be. If it was still good I am sure Ms. Divine wouldn’t be forced to live in a trailer park.  I bet when you look in the mirror of your new bathroom you wonder WTF happened to my life. I can tell you some of what happened Ms. Divine.

Kathleen Divine became a selfish, self centered, evil bitch. I bet you still wonder how you will find husband number 5 living in a trailer park. I know this because you told me when your parents first suggested the idea a couple of years ago. Instead of saving some of that tax free money you have made over the last decade you decided to wipe your ass with it. That’s how rich you were back in your hay day. Kathleen Divine always say, “I’m not stupid” but in real life you did fuck yourself royally. Now that you are out of the house in Orange what will you do with the $7600.00 deposit that you have on the house? My guess is you will blow it like it is tissue paper. The responsible thing to do is pay me back all that you owe me. But we all know Kathleen Divine does what is best for her and only her. The drama between us now has a court date. I know I will win so I have no worries. Then the Sheriff will come to her lounge and take her money right from the door as she makes it till I am paid back. You all should know by now that nothing is easy when dealing with Kathleen Divine. She has turned this into a Lifetime movie of the week. All I wanted was for her to do the right thing since she use to once be my best friend. I am still trying to remember the good times we had as you asked. It’s hard to do when the bad is still so hurtful and outweighs any good there once was.
MoMo Out!
   

My Fault?

Lately people have been playing the blame game with me. People blame me for trusting Kathleen Divine. Why wouldn’t I trust my now former best friend? I had no reason at all not to trust her. As the friendship developed over the years so did the trust. We have known each other since the 90ies. If you think the things I have told you about Kathleen Divine so far are all secrets, hate to break it to you but they aren’t. People aren’t stupid. People have had some of the same experiences that I have had and worse. I am well aware that I have aired dirty laundry, but if I was present and it happened to me then I can share as much of it as I please. I was recently accused of trying to body shame Kathleen Divine. I said the other ass in the photo looked better than Kathleen’s ass. Of course I know everyone on a personal level who’s asses were in this photo and I happen to think the other ass looked better. Of course none of you were there and have no idea why the photos were even taken or the full story. That was just a crumb that I dropped. What would you all do with the entire cracker? I can tell you that I am the last person who would ever shame someone on how their body looks. Kathleen Divine is the first person to shame someone on how they look. I guess that is all my fault too.

I have shared some of the horror stories, such as the things she said to me about my thighs. One night Kathleen spent the entire drunken car ride home ranting to Derek about the rolls on my thighs. All of this was done in front of me with her man friend at the time also in the car. She has tried her best to make me feel bad about my body since gastric bypass surgery. I have been berated, belittled, harassed, embarrassed, mistreated all by the queen of Size Acceptance, Kathleen Divine. The Sheer fact that Kathleen Divine claims that her Lounge is all about Size Acceptance is a great big lie. I have no idea how many times Kathleen Divine needed to be reassured that she would be the smallest/best looking one at her Lounge. That is just an old ageing diva trying to hold onto the last few one night stands before she fades away. None of this is breaking news yet for some reason people think it is my fault. If you haven’t slept with her then you know someone who has. The BBW Community is very small and very incestuous. I believe that before you hook up with someone, you might want to ask where they have been. The longer a man has been single in the BBW Community the more women he has slept with. If he hasn’t slept with anyone he might have issues. The real men who want a relationship find it and don’t play games or waste time. If you have all of the info then you can make an informed decision. Kathleen, Morgan, Fiona, and Laura all knew the lies long before I knew. That is also my fault by the way. It is my fault that my BFF’s knew Derek was lying to me and didn’t say a word till after it all blew up.

It is obvious that people have chosen sides at this point. Either you hate me and think I am bashing an innocent person. Or you are on my side and wish you could say what I am saying without any backlash. People have said they are afraid for me. What is there to be afraid of? The facts are still the same. I am the victim. I am the one who is being stalked, threatened, bullied, criminal threats made against me, attempted murder, domestic violence and so on. All of that is my fault, right? It is all my fault that I chose to date a bi-polar man. It is my fault that he was normal and medicated when we met. It is my fault that for some odd reason Kathleen Divine chose Derek over me. It is my fault that my other friend was a dirty whore and slept with Derek. It is my fault that Kathleen Divine posted photos on the internet so I could see them together just one week later. It is my fault that I met Derek in the first place at that damn Lounge. Everything is always the fault of the victim. Blame the rape victim because they were raped. If I had never done any of the above things then none of these bad things would be happening is the message people are trying to shovel my way. If it smells like bullshit then it is bullshit. None of this is my fault. When things went bad I got out ASAP and never looked back. People ask me if Kathleen Divine and I will ever be friends again. No, not in my lifetime. I have given her everything I had to give and more. There is nothing left, no friendship to save. I am not into being controlled and told how to feel. Being her friend is one sided. Read some of the older posts in case you forgot how Kathleen Divine really is.

Bitch about my Blog all you want. Bitch about it loud and clear. Make sure you send people the link so they can read it for themselves. Hate it or love it, the fact remains that you’re still reading it. You never know what I will say or do next. My life is crazy as you can read for yourself. 
By the way that is also my fault .
MoMo Out!