Catfish #1

Bilel Elouni

Places Lived

Raleigh, North Carolina
Current City
Tunis, Tunisia
Hometown

Basic Information

Gender
Male
Relationship Status
Single

Work and Education

معهد الكرم - Lycée Technique Le Kram
Kram, Tunis, Tunisia

Bilel Elouni

hi ladies i am 33 years i live in texas

 
Monique 

• OMG I hate people who lie. Look at his profile before I delete and ban him. If he is in Texas I am in Thailand.

Bilel Elouni

• fuck off this pic taken in tunisia and i am from tunisia but now i am in texas i visited many countries in my life ok plz dont have a some prejudges

Monique

• You really have nerve talking to me that way. This is my group and my rules. You are fake. You are a total catfish and full of shit. Now you are gone. Stupid fucker!

Bilel Elouni

• and yu must respect yr self i am not layer ok

Monique

• Yes you are good bye.

Bilel Elouni

• dont be nervous plzzzzzzz ok i visit many countries in my life

• Conversation started August 25
• 
  8/25, 1:22pm
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay moam
  wassssssupp
  
• August 26
• 
  8/26, 12:48pm
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay moma
  >>>>>>>.
  
• August 27
• 
  8/27, 11:19pm
  Monique
  
  Hello
  
• September 19
• 
  9/19, 1:33pm
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay booo
  wasssssssssup wth eyw
  
• September 23
• 
  9/23, 1:45pm
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay sext
  wasssssssup
  
• September 24
• 
  9/24, 1:17pm
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay mama
  
• December 6, 2013
• 
  7:18am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay mmma
  
• 
  7:22am
  Monique
  
  Hello
  
• 
  7:22am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  hay boo
  wassupp
  
• 
  7:22am
  Monique
  
  Not much, who am I talking to?
  
• 
  7:23am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  boo am monica 39 female am from california
  )
  
• 
  7:23am
  Monique
  
  Have we ever met at any of the bbw clubs or events?
  
• 
  7:23am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  on fb friend events love
  
• 
  7:24am
  Monique
  
  So how is life treating you?
  
• 
  7:24am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  :0
  why love
  
• 
  7:26am
  Monique
  
  Why? Because I was making conversation. You messaged me and I am wondering why.
  
• 
  7:26am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  love why yew in offline mood
  
• 
  7:27am
  Monique
  
  Do you mind not calling me boo, love, baby or any other pet names. I don't know you like that. I am always off line. I like my privacy.
  
• 
  7:28am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  ok
  if yew wanna se me so talk wth mee on video cal
  
• 
  7:28am
  Monique
  
  No thanks on the video call.
  Where in CA do you live?
  
• 
  7:29am
  Tropicana Monica
  
  ok
  
• 
  7:37am
  Monique
  
  Where in CA do you live?
  
• 
  7:41am
  Monique
  
  Your profile is almost empty. You have no info about yourself. Your profile is suspect if you ask me. All your friends are women, which means you could be a guy pretending to be a woman. Also the manner you speak to me is suspect. I wont mention the fact that you can't spell or complete a sentence. So who are you?
  
• 
  7:45am
  Monique
  
  You went from being pregnant in Sept. to having breast cancer one month later. How does that work?
  Now you see my comments, because it tells me you have seen it yet no reply. You must be fake.
  You cannot reply to this conversation. Either the recipient's account was disabled or its privacy settings don't allow replies.

I love it when they run and hide. They end up blocking me when I bust them wide open. You have to be stupid to fall for any of the bullshit people throw out on line. Catfish are bottom feeders. They eat all of the nasty shit off of the bottom of the river. That is why the meat tastes oily, and is not a good fish. If it smells like fish don’t eat it.

• Conversation started September 3
• 
  9/3, 9:25am
  Roberto Salvini
  
  hi
  
• September 8
• 
  9/8, 3:43am
  Roberto Salvini
  
  hi
  
• September 9
• 
  9/9, 3:31am
  Roberto Salvini
  
  ciao
  
• September 30
• 
  9/30, 3:32pm
  Roberto Salvini
  
  hello
  
• Wednesday
• 
  12/25, 9:32am
  Roberto Salvini
  
  My love smackkkkkk
  
• Friday
• 
  12/27, 1:29am
  Monique
  
  Why is a married man calling me love?
  
• Saturday
• 
  12/28, 2:50pm
  Roberto Salvini
  
  
• Today
• 
  8:37am
  Monique
  
  Creepy dude I wish I could show your wife what a weirdo she is married to. I feel sorry for her having a husband playing games on line like some sort of fucking troll. Get lost asshole.
  

• 12/2, 3:19pm
  Sandra Jhonson
  
  mmmmmm babe u made my pussy wet... do u do girls? can we hook up ?
  

LMAO I guess even the women want me now.  I didn’t bother to respond. Her comment was just as bad as some dude saying you make my dick hard. People these days have zero tact.

5/15, 1:38am

• Thedarkkinght Knight

• Hi sexy
• October 8
• 
  10/8, 1:24pm
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  how r u
  
• October 9
• 
  10/9, 11:01am
  Monique
  
  I'm fine you?
  
• 
  10/9, 12:46pm
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  i am ok 2
  u look so nice
  
• Monday
• 
  12/30, 1:04pm
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  hi bb
  
• Today
• 
  6:53am
  Monique
  
  Who are you? Where are you from and where is your pic?
  
• 
  6:56am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  i am ben i am from tunisia my pic is posted on my wall
  
• 
  6:58am
  Monique
  
  The only pics you have are of a bunch of different women.
  You have no pics of a man on your page. Why are you writing to me anyway?
  
• 
  6:59am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  i will send u my pic
  you dont want to talk to me ?
  
• 
  7:00am
  Monique
  
  Send the pic now please.
  
• 
  7:00am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  she did that to my photo . i like it ... it is really funny
  
• 
  7:01am
  Monique
  
  WTF are you talking about?
  
• 
  7:01am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
• 
  7:02am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  hey ... some respect .. plz
  
• 
  7:02am
  Monique
  
  Respect for what? You?
  
• 
  7:03a
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  nvm ...
  this is my pic
  
• 
  
• 
  7:04am
  Monique
  
  I saw the pic and don't really care. You live in another country. Unless you own a jet and can fly over when ever you like then why are you wasting my time?
  
• 
  7:06am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  coz i like you
  
• 
  7:08am
  Monique
  
  You don't know anything about me so how can you like me? Do you own a jet? Or are you rich enough to fly to America? Are you married? Are you even a real person? That pic could be anyone.
  
• 
  7:11am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  this my real pic i can fly anywhere i want i am not married ..
  
• 
  7:12am
  Monique
  
  How old are you?
  LOL are you scared now?
  
• 
  7:17am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  no
  i am 30
  scared ?? why ?
  
• 
  7:23am
  Monique
  
  I guess you don't get the hint that I am not interested in talking with strangers.
  
• 
  7:36am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  hahaha ok up to u but
  
• 
  7:37am
  Monique
  
  But what? So far you have nothing interesting to say.
  
• 
  7:38am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  i told u i want to know u if u dont mind ..
  
• 
  7:39am
  Monique
  
  So far I mind plenty. You have nothing to say.
  
• 
  7:39am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  how old r u
  r u married ?
  
• 
  7:39am
  Monique
  
  Older than you and smarter. I am really bored so I will say good bye for ever
  
• 
  7:40am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  u have kids ?
  ok good bye
  anyway nice to talk to you
  but i am looking for real relationship
  
• 
  7:43am
  Monique
  
  Look for someone else I am not into playing the on line dating game with a stranger in another country. I can do that with some local douche bag.
  
• 
  7:44am
  Thedarkkinght Knight
  
  but i am not like ur local
  
• 
  7:45am
  Monique
  
  So are you saying you are an international douche bag?
  You don't even list your name on your page. You are just a fake person. You're a catfish as in a bottom feeder and I am not playing your game.
  LOL@ The Dark Knight
  
  

Seen 7:57am

Conversation started Monday

• 
  12/30, 11:23am
  Setiven Amine Chaarawoui
  
  

Insert fat cat with a birthday cake cartoon from the FB menu of faces.

• 
  12/30, 11:23am
  Setiven Amine Chaarawoui
  
  Happy

• 
  6:55am
  Monique
  
  Happy what? It isn't my birthday.

Conversation started February 23, 2012

• 
  2/23, 11:02am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hi Monique ..i m ur new fbf ..u r so wonderful ..take care ..
  
• February 23, 2012
• 
  2/23, 10:13pm
  Monique
  
  Thank you
  
• September 9
• 
  9/9, 3:30am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hi ..how r u
  
• September 18
• 
  9/18, 3:53am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hi ..I wanna see u while u r in soapy ..
  
• 
  10/26, 8:06am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hi
  
• October 31
• 
  10/31, 12:39pm
  Pigeon Wood
  
  Happy Birthday!
  
• December 10
• 
  12/10, 10:46pm
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hii
  
• December 13
• 
  12/13, 11:11am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hi
  
• Wednesday
• 
  12/25, 9:25am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
  
• Thursday
• 
  12/26, 2:39am
  Monique
  
  Same to you.
  
• 
  12/26, 2:40am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  thanks cute baby
  
• 
  12/26, 2:42am
  Monique
  
  I just notice that I have no idea who you are yet we are friends here. Who are you?
  
• 
  12/26, 2:43am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  I am azfar ..we are just facebook friend ..I am from asia ..I sometime see ur post and see some of ur pics ..and found them nice ..
  
• 
  12/26, 2:44am
  Monique
  
  How old are you?
  
• 
  12/26, 2:44am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  I am 40 ...may be too old for you? ..
  
• 
  12/26, 2:45am
  Monique
  
  I am 43. Why don't you have a photo?
  
• 
  12/26, 2:50am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  oh really! so I am near to ur age ..good to know that ..pic will be posted later I think
  
• 
  12/26, 2:52am
  Monique
  
  What are you talking about the pic will be posted later you think? You need to send me a pic of yourself so I can know who I am talking to instead of a photo of a black horse.
  I have zero patience for fake people playing games on line.
  
• 
  12/26, 2:53am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  hahaha ..well said ..ok I will send you pic ..be patient dear friend ..
  
• 
  12/26, 2:54am
  Monique
  
  I have no patience. Do you have a web cam?
  
• 
  12/26, 2:54am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  i m sending pic ..no cam here right now cuty
  
• 
  12/26, 2:55am
  Monique Jurgen
  
  Don't call me by any pet names such as cutie not cuty. I don't know you.
  
• 
  12/26, 2:57am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  ok let me call you Monique and u can call me Azfar
  
• 
  12/26, 2:57am
  Monique
  
  Still waiting on that pic!
  
• 
  12/26, 2:57am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  
  
• 
  12/26, 2:58am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  i am not handsome ...
  
• 
  12/26, 2:58am
  Monique
  
  You look like a kid not a 40 year old man
  
• 
  12/26, 2:59am
  Pigeon Wood
  
  yes everyone says so ..i look younger than my age ..and that creates problem sometime ..
  
• 
  12/26, 3:00am
  Monique
  
  No sorry you aren't handsome to me but maybe to some one else. I see no need for us to be FB friends any longer. I don't know you and you could be any crazy person playing games on line. Good bye Azfar.

Conversation started November 12

• 
  11/12, 10:48pm
  Yasin Elver
  
  good morning
  
• November 13
• 
  11/13, 4:34am
  Monique
  
  Good bye.
  
• 
  11/13, 4:34am
  Yasin Elver
  
  where are u going
  
• November 14
• 
  11/14, 3:02am
  Monique
  
  Away from you.
  Wait do I know you? If so where did we meet?
  I only know one man from Turkey.

• November 14
• 11/14, 4:30pm

Yasin Elver

we met in facebook

• November 15
• 
  11/15, 4:39am
  Monique
  
  Then I don't know you. I also have no interest in someone out of the country. There is no point to any further contact.
  
• 
  11/15, 5:38am
  Yasin Elver
  
  I dont know
  u maybee right
  
• 
  11/15, 6:07am
  Monique
  
  I am always right, good bye.
  
• 
  11/15, 6:08am
  Yasin Elver
  
  ok

Conversation started October 13

• 
  10/13, 12:21am
  Fadi Ibrahim
  
  Hey Monique U have nice pics . hope I could get to know u
  
• October 17
• 
  10/17, 5:37am
  Monique
  
  How do you know I have nice pics since my profile is private? Why do you want to get to know me?
  
• October 18
• 
  10/18, 2:23am
  Fadi Ibrahim
  
  I just simply like the way u look sweety !
  
• October 19
• 
  10/19, 2:52am
  Monique
  
  You didn't answer any of my questions. This is the point where you just go away quietly but I know you will come back with some drama.
  
• 
  10/19, 4:13am
  Fadi Ibrahim
  
  Morning Monique ... u made me laugh .. . but it is always nice to smile lol Dont worry am not the type of guy who try to find his way out w a drama story. U asked me 2 questioned and I've answered 1 only as the first Q u have to know by yourself that some pic r public. I see that u r making it a drama where it is all very simple !
  
• October 20
• 
  10/20, 3:23am
  Monique
  
  I am not making any drama. You contacted me, remember that part? So far I have no idea why or what you want. I love how you turned it around and said I would be the one with drama. You even taking the time to message me was the beginning of your drama.
  
• October 20
• 
  10/20, 9:44am
  Fadi Ibrahim
  
  I know that I contacted u ? and I answered u ... Monique it very simple its either would like to that we be friends and get to know each other or u refuse.
  
• 
  10/20, 10:29am
  Monique
  
  I need to know all about you before I decide if we can be friends. So start talking about yourself or goodbye.
  
• 
  10/20, 10:52am
  Fadi Ibrahim
  
  thnx Monique i will
  need to go make some food
  i will tell u everything although i think u have also to tell me about urself

Conversation started Monday

• 

      12/30, 5:02am
         Juiola Skid

• like to meet you sweetie
• 
  6:57am
  Monique
  
  Who are you? Where is your photo? Better yet do you have a web cam?
  
• 8:38am

Juiola Skid

• 
  8:40am
  Juiola Skid
  
  i am juiola. I like you. text me at 804-555-5555
  hi sweetie
  
• 
  8:51am
  Juiola Skid
  
  I like you sweetie
  
• 
  9:35am
  Monique
  
  Can you read? I asked you a question last time and still no answer. Who the hell are you and what do you want since you missed it the first time??
  
• 
  9:36am
  Juiola Skid
  
  my name is juiola please. I am a nice guy.
  
• 
  9:37am
  Monique
  
  Where is your photo and where are you from?
  
• 
  9:39am
  Juiola Skid
  
  text me and I will send u any information u what. I am from here.
  
• 
  9:49am
  Monique
  
  Where is here? How hard is it to type where you live? I am not giving you my number to text me a photo. You can send a photo right here.
  Notice at the bottom it says add photo.
  
• 
  9:53am
  Juiola Skid
  
  I like u
  
• 
  10:00am
  Juiola Skid
  
  here sweetie
  
  
• 
  10:01am
  Monique
  
  You need to go away now. You are a weirdo and very creepy like the guy in Silence of the Lambs. The one who had the BBW in the hole so he could starve her to get her skin. I looked at your profile and you have an SSBBW fetish. Keep on looking I am not the woman for you dude. Now be gone with the wind.
  
• 
  10:05am
  Juiola Skid
  
  are u real
  
• 
  10:06am
  Monique
  
  100% real
  
• 
  10:11am
  Juiola Skid
  
  read ur last statement. shit...
  
• 
  10:20am
  Monique
  
  I know what I said to you I wrote it. Something wrong with it?
  
• 
  10:20am
  Juiola Skid
  
  everything
  what are you?
  a barbie or what. shit..
  
• 
  10:25am
  Monique Jurgen
  
  Do I look like a Barbie doll to you? Are you upset because I am so blunt? I am a woman who takes no shit from strange men who write her on line. I don't play the on line games. Life is too short for any bullshit of any kind in my life.
  
• 
  10:30am
  Juiola Skid
  
  u said i starve bbw yet you say i talk about ssbbw. what are talking. you do not take shit. i do not either.
  
• 
  10:35am
  Monique
  
  I made a reference to a movie which I now know you haven't seen or may not remember that part of the movie. I never said you starve BBW's from your page you are looking for SSBBW's and wondering why they are becoming extinct. They are dead like the dinosaurs. Nothing can live forever at 500 plus pounds. Bottom line is why did you write me and what do you want from me?
  
• 
  11:01am
  Juiola Skid
  
  i love big woman and i mean it. be bbw or ssbbw. i like u
  
• 
  11:37am
  Monique
  
  You don't know me so how can you like me? Are you serious right now with this BS?
  
• 
  11:58am
  Juiola Skid
  
  i have to like u to want to know you
  
  Conversation started October 23, 2012

• 
  10/23, 8:58am
  Abdou Fes
  
  Good evening, dear You are a beautiful woman
  Good evening, dear You are a beautiful woman
  
• October 28, 2012
• 
  10/28, 7:47am
  Abdou Fes
  
  Good evening, dear I want to marry you
  212-555-5555
  
• September 2
• 
  9/2, 5:36am
  Abdou Fes
  
  hello
  
• 
  9/2, 5:41am
  Abdou Fes
  
  syeda saahir
  
• September 16
• 
  9/16, 12:13pm
  Abdou Fes
  
  hello
  
• October 28
• 
  10/28, 6:14am
  Abdou Fes
  
  hello
  
• Today
• 
  10:57am
  Monique
  
  LMAO Never!
  
  

Conversation started November 11, 2013

• 

      11/11, 4:41am
       King Roche
     I love sex
     Welcome I'm from Egypt and you are

Conversation started November 27, 2013

• 
• 11/27, 8:35am

        Ben Wolf

      you pic is very nice, very pretty women!!!! I hope to meet you again, kiss       from germany
December 20, 2013

• 
  12/20, 10:31am
  Ben Wolf
  
  very sweet lady, , pretty pic, kiss from germany
  

I joined a dating site and here is my first chat below.
Him:hello supersexy lady from California Roberto from Italy
You:hello how are you
Him:i am very fine . what about you?
Him:what is your name?
You:I am also fine
You:Why don't you have a photo on your profile?
Him:i am very shy and than i am not so pretty and sexy as you ahahah
Him:
Him:my name is Roberto and your?
You:Why would you join a dating site and not show your face?
You have something to hide and I am not into playing your games so move on.
Him: ok if you don’t want to talk to a short white guy
How the hell are you going to join a dating site with no photo in your profile? This dude has something to hide. Isn’t the point of a dating site to meet real people who hopefully are looking for the same things you are looking for. I think it is just so pathetic how men behave these days. I don’t know what women are out there doing to men, but it must be bad if they have gone off the deep end like this. Why do they think it is OK to play games with people and their feelings? As you can see my guard is on high alert all the time. I don’t trust you before I know you. Trust is earned and these days men aren’t worth a grain of salt. Your word is your bond and if you haven’t got that then you have nothing at all. I stuck my pinky toe in the cyber dating pool and the water is dirty. No thanks on the drama, lies, games and bullshit.
MoMo Out!

Hate Mail from a Feeder

I wrote this post http://moniquejurgen.blogspot.com/2012/03/today-is-my-6th-year-anniversary-post.html and received this hateful reply . I never posted his comment, but now I am going to say how I feel about this shit. I am livid pissed at this fool. For the last decade this freak has been stalking me on different BBW social sites. I have had him blocked every place I went so he would have no contact. All comments to my Blog are moderated for this very reason. I am so sick and tired of these fat fetish feeders. They all need to jump off a bridge then burn in hell. They have nothing of value to offer a woman other than a quicker death by weight.. You can do bad all by yourself. You don’t need some douche bag who wants to control you by feeding you to certain death. Once they get you so fat you can’t walk, wash yourself, wipe your own ass, cook, clean, drive then they abuse you. After the abuse they leave you in disgust to fend for yourself but you no longer can do anything for yourself. These men are the anti Christ and the devil himself all wrapped into one ball of evil mental illness. A fat person with a feeder is like the crack head dating the crack dealer. Watching me eat gets you hard then you can’t have sex anyway because the moment you get near a real vagina you go limp. Pathetic is what you truly are. Sad, sick and pathetic. Keep out of my path feeders or I will run you over in my big truck and not look back. 
“peace7181411 has left a new comment on your post "Today is my 6th Year Anniversary Post Gastric Bypa...":
Do you really think you look better? I bet when you take your clothes off its New Flab City, flesh flapping everywhere and hanging low as hell. That shit is nasty. I guess since you cant exploit your body like you used to, you cant earn the money to afford the post-surgery skin removal surgery. And if you did have the flab removed, youd look like a Raggedy Ann doll. Believe me, Ive seen that shit.
Why do big bitches think gastric bypass surgery is a cure-all? That shit isnt the best method of weight loss. And save the "it was the only way Id lose weight" spiel, because thats not true--and you know it. If your fat ass had the motivation to lose weight, you couldve lost it on your own. Shit, if you had the right man in your corner, you couldve lost the weight--sex is the best method of weight loss.
And save the "I did it for health reasons" spiel, because obesity isnt the only deciding factor in regards to someones health status. Ive known big people whove lived longer than skinny people. Thers no solid scientific evidence to prove obesity ultimately decides who lives or dies. And who is to say the "Gallstones lodged in my liver" were created you yourself, because I am sure there is a way to cause any health issue by your own doing, like a smoker smoking an inordinate amount of cigarettes to induce lung cancer. I know people who swindle insurance companies all the time. Its a great American passtime.
And, yes, you haven’t regained the weight, but, who is to say you wont in the long run. I know someone, personally, who had weight loss surgery in 1999, lost 200lbs but regain 130lbs. The regaining process takes years. The stomach is elastic and it will stretch back to its original size. You know why? Because thats how God made you, and your body knows its original build, which is necessary for your own survival.
peace7181411 has left a new comment on your post "Today is my 6th Year Anniversary Post Gastric Bypa...":
Oh yeah, if youre not a coward and believe in fostering healthy discourse, then you will approve my previous comment.”
His latest attack was left in a reply on Facebook on a friends page when she announced her weight loss without surgery.
"Korey Hunt: na you stutten fine and pretty my dream women hell I wouldn't mine you gaining more weight fine and pretty patty you look much better than Monique cause she looks scary now doesn't even look like Monique no more I love bbws and ssbbws no bodybuilding women no skinny girls only fabulous and thick women only no skinny girls thick thick thick. PEACE LOVE K.HUNT THE LADIES LOVER PEACE
January 11 at 10:37pm"
He goes by Peace on any and all BBW groups but he doesn't know the meaning of the word! March will be 8 years post weight loss surgery. I have not gained any of the weight back that I lost. In fact I have kept it off and am still losing. I have had two plastic surgeries. I look and feel better than I ever have. Hate all you want but the scale never lies. I made it. I did it and you’re just mad that I survived. Asshole!
MoMo Out!


Loving the new me.

Moving On in 2014

In the year 2013 several friends passed away. One of them wasn’t feeling well and died from a heart attack. I have already died three times in my life so I figure I have six out of my nine lives left. I am not going to waste it. For the last seven months I have been recovering from surgery. In life there are times we have to walk a path over hot coals to get to the other side. The white sandy beach is on the other side, where you will find the beautiful clear blue waters to cool your burning feet. I will have the fight in me till my last breath is drawn. Until that day I am going to live my life to the fullest. I’m fat, black and proud to be me! I have been to hell and back throughout my forty plus years on this earth. Nothing in my entire life has been easy. There was always one obstacle after another in my way. I found how to navigate through life on my terms. As I change so do the terms. I have recently had some ah ha moments. I have felt lonely, left out and unloved many times during the last seven months. They say when you are ill you find out who your real friends are. All of a sudden my friends were no longer there for me. At the beginning of every year I look back and ask myself what have I learned and how have I grown.

Life of course has changed. I remember when we turned 18 and lived on rice and top ramen as we worked our asses off to make something of ourselves. We had no beds and slept on the floor in sleeping bags next to one another to stay warm. We were there for one another no matter what. Back then there was no social media. You went out and met people and made friends, real friends. Now a days people are so detached and disconnected. They can’t even take a moment to return a call or a text. I hate texting but I do it for the people who for some reason can’t pick up a phone and dial. That seems to be going around a lot. I have had to let go of lots of people in the last two and a half years. I will never forget what they did to me. I will never be friends with them again. I will never forgive the betrayal and I have closed the doors on all of it. It is over and I hope it stays over. I can’t even bring myself to go to Orange County anymore. So many bad memories. The good times have all been lost and over shadowed by the bad people and events. I do not need any more of my former friends to call and say sorry almost three years later. It is too late for sorry. Move on, I have. If you have been playing both sides of the fence I have closed the gate on you as well. I just can’t have any toxic energy in my life.

It is a new year. I have new goals and brand new dreams to live out. I have already started on my new adventures. It is good to know that the friends I grew up with are still around and still give a shit about me. I can’t force you to be my friend and I sure as hell won’t beg you to be my friend either.  It seems to me that I have a lot of acquaintances in my life and only a few real friends out of it all. I will keep the people in my life who want to be real and let me be me. I guess I have just closed the last chapter and started on a whole new book in my life. I don’t have time for boys but I can make time for one good man. I only need one but that is like looking for a straight man in a gay bar. Chances are slim to none. I am sure I will meet him one day soon. He will be everything I have been waiting for. I will not settle for less. I rather be single and free than in some drama filled relationship. I peeked into the dating pool recently and it was a huge let down. Mr. Wrong couldn’t even check on me after my recent surgery. Not a call or even a note to say are you OK. Actions speak louder than words. The I’m sorry does not work on me. I don’t have the time to waste on your mood swings and your bullshit. I just don’t need you in my life at all. In fact it is like you were never here. I no longer have any expectations of anyone. I know what I am willing to do for someone but I can’t expect them to think the same way I do. Time to shed my skin and this Scorpio will be reborn.
MoMo Out!   

Happy New Year

I would like to start off by wishing everyone a very Happy New Year. Since this is the first Blog of 2014 and I am already ten days into the new year I have no idea what I will say to you all in this new year. Look forward to more laughs, mellow drama, stupid people, catfish and a heap of random losers and douche bags. I never know what will happen in my life from one day to the next. I just had surgery to replace my ICD on the 8th of January. I hope this does not mean the beginning of a trend for 2014. I have lots of plans to live an even better life this year. I want to see the world. I want to travel as much as possible. I want to meet Mr. Right. I want to fall in love one last time with a kind, caring, compassionate, tall, handsome, charming, witty man who will stay by my side. I want only good things for 2014. I hope the same for all of you.

MoMo Out!

The Easy Way Out!

Some would say food addiction isn't possible because we can’t live without food. Others say the high you get when you eat certain foods is the same high as a narcotic drug. I have always said food is my drug of choice. Food is so many things to me. It is good times, bad times, hard time, family times, friends time and much more. We eat when we are sad, mad or glad. We eat to live but some live to eat. I watched a good friend of mine eat himself to death from his addiction to food. No matter what he did, he had no control. He would run out of food and call me asking for help. I couldn't let him starve so I would bring food that he would have to cook so it would last longer. The amount of food he consumed in a day was more than enough to feed a family of five people. That was my first introduction to food addiction. I had no idea I was in the same boat as my friend. As time went on my food became more and more out of control. I have no idea how many calories I consumed in a day. If I had to guess it could be 6000 or more. None of it was healthy low calorie food. I drank soda in place of water. Regular soda loaded with corn syrup fructose. I drank at least a couple of two liters of soda a day. I ate donuts like they were chops and dip. Pizza, fast food, fried foods, Chinese take out loaded with sweet sauces and of course fried. There was no end in sight. My only goal was planning my next meal. I would still be chewing and day dreaming about what I wanted to eat next.

I decided to have gastric bypass surgery and lost 300 pounds. I have changed my life 100%. The wanting and craving for bad foods is under control most days. Now I have consequences for my actions when I binge on sugar. After eight years post op I have learned that it will be a fight every day of my life. With therapy from someone who deals with eating disorders, food addiction and binge eating disorder I have learned many tools to control my triggers. I still suffer from depression and anxiety. During those times it is the hardest to control. I want to emotionally eat in the hope of self soothing myself. I find that when I discuss this within the BBW Community I am met with hostility. People read things into my comments and make up what they felt I meant instead of reading what I said and take it as is. I always say what I mean and mean what I say. I am an open book when it comes to my food addiction, gastric bypass surgery the good the bad and the ugly of the whole experience.

I believe people shoot out their anger towards me for many reasons. Some may be jealous or have some sort of envy because they are afraid to do what I did. My story was not all roses, peaches and cream. It was one hell of a fight and the fight is not over till the fat lady sings and I am not ready to sing yet. Even death knocking at your back door does not motivate some people to start to make changes towards a better quality of life. Some choose to be alone and become trapped in their own body, their home and even in just their bed. That is not living life to me. I struggle to walk and the pain I feel with every step I take is over a level ten on the pain scale. Yet I get up and move slowly at my own pace. I had to learn to walk all over again during my first year post op. Living in a bed and being in a wheelchair is not my idea of a good time. I fight, I struggle, I cry, I hurt all over my body but I don’t give up on myself. I did not butcher my body by choosing to have gastric bypass surgery. I resent the constant insults from people who are anti weight loss surgery. Respect my choice. Not once have I ever told someone to have surgery. It is their body and their choice to do as they see fit. If you want to butcher yourself as the anti weight loss police put it then have at it. If you want to sit home behind your computer trapped in bed spewing your angry venom towards other people who are being pro active with their own lives then have at it. Just leave me out of it. Yeah, the dead people can’t talk to say no I don’t recommend surgery. You can die either way. I had a 50/50 shot so I rolled the dice. I was going to die anyway, I had nothing left to lose.

I enjoy my new life much better. I like being able to walk even though it hurts and I need a cane. I like not going to a fast food place. I like cooking my own meals so I control what I put in my body. I still feel guilty when I have a binge. I am only hurting myself, yet at times I have no control. I am truly sorry for the ones that didn't make it, but you can die from any surgery. You can’t be angry at the surgery. Yes be angry you lost a loved one, but don’t blame the ones that survived their surgery. We have no control who lives or dies. Post op you find out who your real friends are. They say the person has changed. Of course they have changed they see a new world. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, just be there to support them not spew hate about butchery. FYI food addiction is very real and so is binge eating disorder. You can now find info in medical journals. Do your own research if you want to know more. As far as I am concerned my surgery was a success. I have lived almost 8 years longer than doctors said I would if I had not had surgery. You can read my complete story about the last 7 years of my life post op in the archives of my Blog.
MoMo Out!