Moving On in 2014

In the year 2013 several friends passed away. One of them wasn’t feeling well and died from a heart attack. I have already died three times in my life so I figure I have six out of my nine lives left. I am not going to waste it. For the last seven months I have been recovering from surgery. In life there are times we have to walk a path over hot coals to get to the other side. The white sandy beach is on the other side, where you will find the beautiful clear blue waters to cool your burning feet. I will have the fight in me till my last breath is drawn. Until that day I am going to live my life to the fullest. I’m fat, black and proud to be me! I have been to hell and back throughout my forty plus years on this earth. Nothing in my entire life has been easy. There was always one obstacle after another in my way. I found how to navigate through life on my terms. As I change so do the terms. I have recently had some ah ha moments. I have felt lonely, left out and unloved many times during the last seven months. They say when you are ill you find out who your real friends are. All of a sudden my friends were no longer there for me. At the beginning of every year I look back and ask myself what have I learned and how have I grown.

Life of course has changed. I remember when we turned 18 and lived on rice and top ramen as we worked our asses off to make something of ourselves. We had no beds and slept on the floor in sleeping bags next to one another to stay warm. We were there for one another no matter what. Back then there was no social media. You went out and met people and made friends, real friends. Now a days people are so detached and disconnected. They can’t even take a moment to return a call or a text. I hate texting but I do it for the people who for some reason can’t pick up a phone and dial. That seems to be going around a lot. I have had to let go of lots of people in the last two and a half years. I will never forget what they did to me. I will never be friends with them again. I will never forgive the betrayal and I have closed the doors on all of it. It is over and I hope it stays over. I can’t even bring myself to go to Orange County anymore. So many bad memories. The good times have all been lost and over shadowed by the bad people and events. I do not need any more of my former friends to call and say sorry almost three years later. It is too late for sorry. Move on, I have. If you have been playing both sides of the fence I have closed the gate on you as well. I just can’t have any toxic energy in my life.

It is a new year. I have new goals and brand new dreams to live out. I have already started on my new adventures. It is good to know that the friends I grew up with are still around and still give a shit about me. I can’t force you to be my friend and I sure as hell won’t beg you to be my friend either.  It seems to me that I have a lot of acquaintances in my life and only a few real friends out of it all. I will keep the people in my life who want to be real and let me be me. I guess I have just closed the last chapter and started on a whole new book in my life. I don’t have time for boys but I can make time for one good man. I only need one but that is like looking for a straight man in a gay bar. Chances are slim to none. I am sure I will meet him one day soon. He will be everything I have been waiting for. I will not settle for less. I rather be single and free than in some drama filled relationship. I peeked into the dating pool recently and it was a huge let down. Mr. Wrong couldn’t even check on me after my recent surgery. Not a call or even a note to say are you OK. Actions speak louder than words. The I’m sorry does not work on me. I don’t have the time to waste on your mood swings and your bullshit. I just don’t need you in my life at all. In fact it is like you were never here. I no longer have any expectations of anyone. I know what I am willing to do for someone but I can’t expect them to think the same way I do. Time to shed my skin and this Scorpio will be reborn.
MoMo Out!