Dreams Do Come True

When I was a child everyone said stop eating so much extra food. I wasn’t because my mom fixed our plates for dinner. What I was doing was having a love affair with the Hostess Bakery and the local doughnut shop. It took me most of my life to get a clue what food was doing to me. When you open that first pack of Zingers, then move onto the cupcakes the rush from the sugar was like a drug. In the last seven years I have struggled and fought as hard as I can to live a new life. My new life isn’t the dream I had when I use to say “One day I will lose weight to make my parents happy.”

I was living in a world full of food comas and delusions. Once I was an adult I said I was going to get down to a respectable weight for my own body. I had no special number in mind. Next came the dream of me walking in high heels while wearing a sexy black dress and a lacy thong. I was going to attend a party and be the bell of the ball after some miracle weight loss took place. I had a much more active life after I lost weight in some ways. But the dream was just a dream. My knees are in such bad shape that my doctor asked me how I can even walk on them.
Every step is pain. Every step of the weight loss process is pain. When my food was no longer my drug I freaked out. In the last seven years I have had lots of therapy to learn how to control my eating disorder and food addiction. I have good days and bad days. The bad days come with consequences. My surgery still works. I still throw up and still have ass on fire from the wrong foods.

My dreams of having a normal life slowly fades away. My list of illness’s scare my doctor, so I a sure John Doe isn’t interested in me. Dating me is a project. Weeks or months go by and I am fine. Next thing you know I could be in the hospital close to death. How do I explain that to someone I want to be in a relationship with? Men run scared when they find out. I have my family all around me, but a man in my life would be nice to have again. I have taken a two year break after the psycho stalker ex has been out of my life.

How do I learn to trust again? How do I sit through the lies and BS they spew at you? How do I pretend I am interested in his paint ball wins? I hate dating, HATE it! If I could go to a match maker I would. Till then I will dream of Mr. Right. Will he ride in on a white horse and throw his cape down so I don’t step in the mud? Will he let me be me and understand my craziness? Who knows this is just a dream for now.

I am still a work in progress. Lots of my dreams have come true. I made them happen and fought hard for them to happen. I am thankful for my life and all of the people who helped me get here. The haters still hate, but the best revenge is living well. Romeo where the hell are you, I’m getting impatient. That’s the Scorpio in me.
MoMo Out!