7 Year Anniversary Post Gastric Bypass

From day one my story has not been a walk in the park. When the journey began on this day 7 years ago I couldn’t even walk anymore. I have come so far yet it feels like there is never going to be an ending. No one tells you everything that could happen to you post op. I was asked if I had any regrets and I still maintain my answer is no. I am alive and at the time due to other illness was hanging on my by a string. I can assure you if I had not had Gastric Bypass surgery I would not be here today. I still maintain that the tool given to me helped me save my own life. The last year of my life has been extremely intense. My anxiety has been at an all time high due to extreme amounts of stress. The stress landed me in the hospital last June. I had pneumonia and congestive heart failure. In my case the combination can be deadly. I have had several moments over the last seven years when I wasn’t sure I was going to recover.
I hit a really rough patch where I had fallen back into some really bad food habits. I was unhappy and looking for food to comfort me. It offered no comfort at all to me and only made matters worse. I would eat something I know was bad for me, get depressed and start the self hate and loathing for eating something bad. Plus I was tired of throwing up and having diarrhea daily from bad foods. For me bad food can equal my death. The extra salt and sugar in processed foods is deadly and has been proven to be addictive. I figured out through therapy which I am still in that food will never make me happy. Only I can make myself happy. I was so tired of the guilt I felt from the binge eating over the last year. I gained 30 pounds in a six month period due to fluid retention and of course all the extra salt didn’t help any. Once released from the hospital in June I had lost that 30 pounds. It was mostly fluid that they were able to drain out of my body using Lasix.
I started to gain large amounts of weight over night. It was crazy so I saw several doctors to figure out the problem. I was not eating that many cookies to gain that much weight over night. The constant weight gain was from my heart condition. I am on a new water pill and it has worked like a charm. I have lost 15 pounds of the weight I gained in the last three months. I started over from square one. Back to small plates, small meals more often, no sugar, no junk food of any kind. If it didn’t grow in the ground or on a tree I wasn’t eating it anymore. I gave up all processed foods and I have begun to loose weight again. I lost 300 pounds and gained back 30 of it which didn’t happen till last year. I am still working on getting my arms done, my insurance is fighting me but I will not quit.
Even though I lost so much weight it will never be enough to fit into the charts. The damage that was done to my body from my former weight is where the fight now begins. You have no idea how much pain I am in daily. My doctor said he can’t believe I can even walk since my knees are bone on bone. Another item my insurance says I am too young to have fixed. They gave me a walker, said lose 100 more pounds and we can fix your knees and my crushed ankle. Needless to say after you lose weight you may hurt more than you did before. You won’t know what damage was done till the weight is off of your body. I destroyed my body and can’t blame anyone for my actions. Traumatic events throughout my childhood and life caused food to become my drug of choice.
When the food high is over and the takeout containers are empty has anything changed the problem? Nope, the problem is still there and now you feel like shit for hurting yourself. I am still a work in progress. I have no idea if I will ever be done working on myself. Is it ever possible to stop? I don’t think so. We have to grow and evolve or you might as well be the hamster on the wheel going no where. My lowest weight was 285 but I was sick and not eating anything after the Pannus removal due to infection. I stayed at 320 to 325 for two years. My goal is still 299 and I am done. I was there but looked and felt like the walking dead. It isn’t a far away goal at all just one I have to stay on track with my eating. I still have the love and support of my family and close friends who understand my life. I am happy to still be here sharing my journey with all of you. Thank you all who stuck by me and respected my choice. What was right for me may not be right for you. The choice is up to you.
MoMo Out!
June 2004

January 2013

Happy One Year Anniversary Blog

In January of 2012 I created this Blog. I had no idea what I was going to write about. I just knew that there was lots to be told. It was a very long hard year for me. I was dealing with so much drama from my stalker ex and the Divine one also known as the Ageing Diva. The stress landed me in the hospital. I couldn’t believe how many knives I had in my back all at once. People who were my so called best friends doing unspeakable, mean, hurtful and hateful things to me. I am the one they like to call the vindictive bitch. I am a Scorpio, we have the ability to sting you to death, shed our skin when burned and start a new life. I put it out there and told my stories. The things I have lived through with the odds stacked against me. I have so much more to share. I promised myself that 2013 would be different, exciting and bullshit free. That lasted only a few weeks into the new year. Derek Peter is yet again a wanted man/fugitive. He has three open cases and it is only March.

I won in court, when I sued Team Kitty Kat, but the victory was bitter sweet. No matter what she has the ability to use people for money. Once upon a time deep down inside she was human and had a heart. Hurricane Kathleen hit in the middle of the night. No one saw the destruction that was about to happen. In the end she destroyed many people along her path. I refused to be one of them and I weathered the hurricane. I am stronger from it, but my trust in people is broken. Maybe one drunken Saturday night after her Lounge closes and she is eating a hot dog left over from that night. She will sit on her bar stool drinking a White Russian, smoking a cigarette, all alone waiting for her money, just maybe she will see her mistakes and say sorry Mo all to herself. It will be her own little secret. If she isn’t sorry by now then she never will be. Don’t mistake her cyber silence as innocence. She is only silent because she has no idea what I will say next.

New year, new stories to tell, new directions. I have no idea where we are going this year but I am sure it will be just as entertaining as the last year. My life will forever have one thing or another happening. My main focus is Big Girl Gear. That is and always has been the love of my life. Making other Plus and Super Plus size women feel beautiful and dress well is my joy. I am never more happy and excited than when I am designing or shopping for those one of a kinds. Life is short so I am going to keep moving forward, onward and upward. I am not looking back at the insanity. I am looking forward to my future. The future is big and bright. Listen to the interview I just did for Tree TV Phone Tap. I am sure you will be able to hear the positive energy in my voice. I am truly blessed with the most amazing family and the real friends who stuck by me. I also want to say a huge thank you to all of my supporters. Love it or hate it just keep on reading it. I am also going to thank my haters out there for all of the motivation. May your ignorance keep you in bliss. May www.biggirlgear.com become your favorite place to shop. 

MoMo Out!